Raven's World

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell… Don’t Do Anything

2009-04-01T18:51:00.000-07:00

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell… Don’t Do Anything
By Raven Usher

UCMJ
Subchapter X: punitive articles
Article 125: sodomy

Every couple of years some politician launches a campaign condemning the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. I agree whole heartedly that men and women should be able to serve in the military regardless of their sexual preferences. I also agree that court martialing and discharging soldiers with valuable skills hamstrings the effectiveness of the military.

But I also know the history of the US military (being a veteran myself). It makes me giggle to see people who rejoiced in “don’t ask don’t tell” when it was enacted who are now crying for its repeal. Let’s take a trip through history, shall we?

There was a time when military officials would actively hunt down men they believed to be gay. They were given dishonorable discharges and their civilian lives were destroyed right along with their military careers. Even worse, men who were drafted and inducted into the military involuntarily were still dishonorably discharged. These were men who knew they were not welcome in the military, got pressed into service and then were summarily destroyed.
So someone came up with an idea. “Let’s just pretend we don’t know. They won’t say anything. We won’t say anything. And we’ll all be happy in our ignorance.”

It was a simplistic solution. Maybe it was overly simplistic. But you know what? Most of the time it worked. It was shaky at first. There was a surge in enlistments right after it was enacted which made the old timers uncomfortable in the new change knowing there could be one of THEM in the ranks. But eventually things smoothed out and the military was all the better with the new batch of recruits. It was the birth of “don’t ask don’t tell.”

It was never a perfect solution. No one ever expected it to be perfect. It was a lot of high ranking people agreeing to ignore article 125 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). Basically the pentagon decided not to enforce a specific law unless they had no choice. UCMJ article 125 reads as such: (a) Any person subject to this chapter who engages in unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same or opposite sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy. Penetration , however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense.
(b) Any person found guilty of sodomy shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.

Technically, every person who ignores the fact that another soldier is gay can be court martialed under articles 81 (conspiracy), 98 (noncompliance with procedural rules) and 134 (general). That is why there are still homosexuals who get discharged. Because someone broke the bargain. They either asked or told. That left the military brass with no choice but to follow through with a court martial.

So what will abolishing “don’t ask don’t tell” accomplish? Not a damn thing!
There is one, and only one, action that will allow gays to serve openly in the military without fear of court martial procedures. The UCMJ must be amended to revoke article 125. As long as article 125 stays on the books gays in the military will continue to be court martialed when they expose themselves to the open recognition of being gay. It is the law. Worse yet, it is military law!

Repealing “don’t ask don’t tell” will only put gays who are serving honorably in the military right now in danger of being court martialed. “Don’t ask don’t tell” is not a lot of protection but it IS some protection. More than that, it is the ONLY protection gays in the military have. Getting rid of it before getting rid of UCMJ article 125 is counter productive and potentially harmful. Not having everyone fit under the umbrella in the rain storm is not a reason to throw out the umbrella.

“Don’t ask don’t tell” is only a band aide on a wound that requires stitches. But it is keeping that wound from gaping open, bleeding profusely and getting infected. Am I in favor of gays serving openly in the US military? Yes. Am I in favor of repealing “don’t ask don’t tell”? HELL NO! Let us not cut off the whole hand trying to save a single finger.

Blessed Be

Human Rights and Wrongs

2009-02-13T15:51:00.000-08:00

Human Rights and Wrongs
By Raven Usher

By a margin of one vote the initiative to give sexual preference and gender identity the same legal protections that cover sex, race and religion was denied to the state of Idaho. Yes, this is an obvious blow to equal rights. (Notice I do not say ‘Gay Rights’ or ‘Gender Rights‘, but equal HUMAN rights.) I was upset, although not altogether surprised, by the vote. Then my propensity for playing devil’s advocate flared up. That brought an interesting question to my mind.

Now do not go flying off the handle at me when you see the question. I am not anti anything. I am not trying to work against the cause for equality. It is just a question I had to ask myself. And now I am going to ask you was well.

What did we actually lose?

The initiative would have made it illegal to fire someone because s/he is homosexual or transgender. That should be law everywhere. Firing someone for either of those reasons is cut and dry prejudicial. It is wrong. It should not happen.

But this is Idaho. Any employer can fire any employee for any reason. You can wake up in a bad mood because your honey bunny did not give you any the night before and vent your anger and frustration by firing the first person to cross your path. You do not have to give that person any kind of reason. All you have to do is say, “Get out.”

If that person decides to try to sue for wrongful termination you can walk into the trial, look the judge in the eye and tell him, “I just felt like being bastard.”
And you know what? That is legal.

SO… let us suppose for the moment that the initiative had passed. Or let us say that it gets re-introduced next term and this time it passes. What do we win? We get some LGBT protection in the law books in Idaho. We make a couple of headlines. We pat ourselves on the back for all our hard work. We thank those who voted for the initiative and we congratulate every single member of the LGBT community.

And tomorrow we show our sympathy for the gay man who gets fired even though he is the top performer in his office. We offer to do what ever we can for the young woman (who just happens to be lesbian) who is the only person laid off from the company.

The truth is that as long as Idaho is an “at will” employment state NOBODY is ever going to be secure in their job. It does not matter if we are gay or straight. It does not matter if we conform to sociological norms or step outside lines. If some little-brained self-important moron decides he does not like you there is no protection. None. Nada. Nine. Nothing. Employment laws in Idaho are unfair to every worker. Not just the LGBT’s.

Yes, yes, yes I am very upset that we lost this battle. I strongly support the re-introduction of the initiative. It will be a hugely needed moral victory for all the state’s workers when it happens. Sadly though I do not believe I will see it in the years of working I have left in front of me.

Blessed be.

… But You Can’t Take the Genes Out of the Tranny

2008-11-03T15:51:00.000-08:00

… But You Can’t Take the Genes Out of the Tranny
By Raven Usher

Etiology - The science of assigning causes.

What causes transsexuality? People have been arguing over that little drama for decades. There have been all kinds of theories. Some have been sensible. Many have been short sighted. A couple have been down right moronic. Scholars, scientist, doctors and self righteous debunkers have all thrown their opinions into the hat.

Chromosome push theory suggested that the introduction of certain proteins during fetal development that cause the fetus to mutate from female to male (all human embryos start their existence as female when they are first fertilized.) is interfered with during the development of the brain and nervous system. So the brain remains female while the body changes to male.

Diethylstilbestrol was a powerful synthetic estrogen that was widely used in the from 1938 to 1971. As the LGBT rights movement progressed and transsexuality came under more close scrutiny, the drug was blamed for causing disorders that led to gender dysphoria and other issues.

Symbiotic fusion suggested that an abnormally close bond between the mother and child was formed during fetal development. This bond supposedly left a psychological imprint on the child causing him to imitate the mother’s behaviors.

Paternal theory blames a lack of significant involvement in the child’s life by the father leaving an insufficient masculine influence on the child’s psyche. It was then suggested that the lack of a masculine role model left child with no choice but to emulate feminine influences.

Then of course there are the closed minded right-wingers who insist that transsexualism is pure choice. As if anyone would subject themselves to the hardships of transition if it was not an absolute necessity.

None of these theories have ever been proven. That is until now!

Geneticists Vincent Harley and Lauren Hare, from Australia’s Prince Henry Institute and Monash University respectively, have identified a genetic link to male to female transsexualism. So as fate would have it, it turns out that genetic theory turns out to be the correct answer.

The discovery was made as part of the Human Genome Project. It shows that some male to female transsexuals carry a different form of a gene called an Androgen Receptor (AR). They are a short, repetitive sequence of DNA. Androgen receptors deal with the body’s response to testosterone. In male to female trannies that response is modified by the difference in their AR.
It is probable that the “defective” extra-long copies of the AR gene could severely reduce normal testosterone levels. That reduction leads to a more female-like brain. This discovery builds on previous research that has documented some similarities in the brain structure of females and male to female transsexuals.

Debunkers of the study, which was released in the journal of Biological Psychiatry, say that it is not accurate enough due to the limited number of subjects involved in the study. 112 male to female transsexual subjects were compared to 258 non-transsexual men. Although no one is attempting to disqualify the study, there is a large call for it to be replicated in order to give the findings a more solid base.

Jennifer Graves, head of the Comparative Genomics Research Group at the Australian National University says, “This is still a small sample …. so there is much more to be done.” She also says that she is certain that it will turn out that the RA genes in question will turn out to have an important role in sexuality.

Whether or not this specific RA gene is the ultimate cause of transsexuality, speaking as a pre-op tranny, it feels damn good to have some solid evidence towards answering the ever-pesky question, “Why me?”

Being able to tell myself that I was born this way goes a LONG way in providing some solace of peace of mind. Being as open as I am about my transsexuality I know that sooner or later I will once again encounter someone who is going to want to argue about the morality of my “lifestyle choice.” It is going to be great having the weapon of a scientific study in my debate arsenal. The little, tenacious, instigator part of me almost wants someone to start the argument so I can beat them down with this new knowledge.

But even for those who are more secretive about their transsexual existence and do not crave the adrenalin rush of a head-to-head, hard core debate will be able to draw comfort from this discovery. No matter how much you say you do not care about what other people think, it is always good to feel normal.

Blessed Be

Counting the Miles

2008-10-06T21:59:00.000-07:00

Counting the Miles
By Raven Usher

“A journey of 100 miles begins with a single step.”

I have been thinking about mile stones. No, not the rocks that hunters put at the edge of back-wood dirt roads to mark the locations of their favorite places to blast those fuzzy animals who wreak havoc on the wilderness by drinking from streams and nibbling on grass. The monsters!

I am talking about those moments in our lives that mark the great changes in our personal evolutions. Moments like coming out. No matter where we stand under the LGBT umbrella the day we come out is a life changing day. No matter how good or bad it went it left us each changed forever.

I was on a break after taking a test at my newly embarked upon scholastic endeavor when I got to thinking how far I have come in the course of a single year. Going from suicide watch at Saint Alphonse’s to topping the class in a health care program in thirteen months gives me a quite a boost on the pride meter. It was not long before my mind was recalling high points of my transsexual progression.

The mile stones of gender transition are not particularly unique. Other people who are not transgender might have very similar experiences. Body changes happen to everyone at least one point in our lives. Puberty sucks! Using chemicals to induce a second puberty is a bigger bitch than a hockey mom with delusions of grandeur.

Starting to take hormones. That was a big one. Even bigger than coming out, I think. It is one thing to declare your desire for something. It is quite another to take the first steps to getting it.
The day I first noticed that my breasts were casting a noticeable shadow. I know that may sound silly, but I was high on life for a week afterwards. It was an affirmation of the progress I was making.

The same thing goes for the first time I ran and felt my breast bounce. That rocked! Both occasions were milestones in my physical development.

The first time a random sales clerk called me “Ma’am”. Yes, many women dread the day they get called “ma’am” instead of “miss” but for a tranny it is a great day for our confidence in projecting our gender expression.

Using the “other” public rest room for the first time. That one was nerve wracking. Was anyone watching? Did they know? Could they tell? Yeah, I know it was neurotic. But could you imagine walking in there just to have some strange woman scream?

The first time a straight person of the opposite sex hits on you. I took my brother out to a club for his birthday. He was at the bar getting another drink when a guy walked up and desperately tried to get me to go home with him. My brother stood back and watched the entire event. I think it was a mile stone for both of us. It let me know I was fitting into society as a woman. It let him know he really does have a sister.

There are more. My mom altering my wedding dress. My dad saying he liked how my hair was styled. It has been eight years since I took that first estrogen pill. It has been quite a ride. (Thank you for letting me share it with you, by the way.)

The point is that miles stones are points of strength. They our successes. Embrace them. Treasure them. One day they may remind you too that oblivion does not have to be an option.

Blessed Be.

School Daze

2008-08-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

School Daze
By Raven Usher

One of the biggest worries in being transgendered is being read in public. It is not easy to be read. Passing depends somewhat on how close people look at you. How close people look at you depends a lot on where you are. In some places, like the mall, you are pretty anonymous. Nobody cares who you are as long as you are not holding them up at the register. Other places do not give you that luxury. In some places they look close. Places like… school! (Insert ominous music cord here.)

I use to think that attending a function at the kids’ school was a total ball busting experience. No matter how friendly the teachers are, there is always that underlying feeling that they are trying to equate your influence on your kid. That and being a parent of the only kids in the whole school who have two moms tends to make you a target for attention. And Goddess forbid you do not hold up to the standards of the soccer-mom clique` less rumors and gossip fly behind your back like leaves in the wind of a speeding truck. Pardon me for wearing the “wrong” shorts when I dropped off my kids! Bitches.

But education is super-mega-mondo important. So you have to bite the bullet. Education is not only important for the kids though. It is important for adults as well. That is a much larger caliber bullet to bite.

No where in our lives are we more closely watched and scrutinized than when we are in school. Teachers watch everything we do and listen to everything we say. Other students are in tight proximity and have a close up view of us. Add to that the extra attention you will garner if you are re-entering a school setting during a later stage of life. It is a atmosphere that can overwhelm someone who displaying a post-transitional gender expression. Being read in such a situation is practically a guarantee.

Such is set the stage for a yet another transgender challenge. Ok, enough Shakespearian influence. It is just another place that will test a tranny’s courage and resolve. It is intimidating. I am returning to school (full time status, no less) after twenty-two years. I go to class and sit among a group of people who are ALL young enough to be my children. It is a lot to get use to in such a short amount of time.

Of course I am not the only one who has to get use to something new. Like most trannies I have to take time out from my apprehension to remind myself that I am the novelty, not the school. I am most likely not the only one who has to adjust to an uncomfortable situation. Everyone has been to school. Very few people encounter transgendered individuals.

It is SO easy to forget that I am not an every day, household staple for those around me. When I see people react to me with hesitation and/or confusion it is an easy thing to dive into a reactionary response that craves an opportunity to holler “prejudice” or “discrimination” from a lonely pulpit. But hesitation is not a form of prejudice and confusion does not discriminate.

Going back to school is much more than just a chance for me to gird up my backbone. It is a chance to learn and relearn. To learn a new trade. To relearn that others need to be given a chance to come to a place of comfort with something new. I may not be new to me. But I am new to everyone else at school. Hopefully we can all learn more than we bargained for when we enrolled.

Blessed Be

Hercules' Epic Disco Battle

2008-07-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

Hercules’ Epic Disco Battle
By Raven Usher

So… You thought disco was dead, did you? Well not so fast! It seems that disco is seeing a resurgence at the dance clubs and on the air waves. In the front pew of this resurrection is a band named Hercules and Love Affair.

With their self-titled debut album Andy Butler, Antony Hegarty and Nomi set out to fuel the fire of the disco revolution using some fast beats and lively rhythms. It is not the pure disco of circa 1975, however. Hercules and Love Affair takes the basic disco philosophy of the unwavering dance beat and use twenty-first century techno sound to bring on a hybrid that certainly can keep a dance floor moving.

Usually when I review music I like to get some background on the band. Unfortunately information is woefully missing from Hercules and Love Affair’s web page, myspace page and face book page. All three of these pages have been dedicated to the sole purpose of selling the album and not in promoting the band or the band members. I finally had to dig up interviews from more than a year ago just to find the full names of the band members. I still did not find a last name for Nomi, so I assume she is making a go for Cher’s path to fame.

Despite the single moniker Nomi definitely has the best voice of the group and the three songs she takes the lead vocal on are the best tracks on the album. “You Belong”, the new single, which came out on July 7, has the strength to catch and keep the listener’s attention. If disco could make the charts, it would be a top-notch contender. “True False” and “Iris” top out the top three tracks of the album. “True False” is the best dance mix on the album with the most sustainable beat and “Iris” is a softer heart strings plucker that is reminiscent of a late 60’s protest song. A for all three songs.

The disco/techno marriage peaks with “Hercules’ Theme.” This song should be the rallying cry for the whole disco revolutionary movement. It has the best representation of the good old-school disco format. The innovation comes in when that old sound is remade in the light of the new techno spirit. B+.

There is only a couple of low points in the whole album. First is the song “Blind.” Although it has a good beat and is performed well, it has an eerie, creepy feel that conjures images of Jayme Gumm’s basement in Silence of the Lambs. All it is missing is a six foot tall nut job asking me if I would f*** him. It probably deserves a better grade but I could only bring myself to give it a C-.

The bottom of the well is the song “Time Will.” The percussion line is SO techno that it sounds 200% synthetic and it does not mix at all with and of the other music. Who ever mixed the track was either high or drunk or both as is evident in the choppy mismatching of all the components of the song. To top it off the vocals for the piece are a Hollywood cliché of the swaggering vocal lilt of flaming drag queen. This song barely squeaks by passing grade at D-. Some tight harmonies are the only thing that saves this song from getting an F.

Overall Hercules and Love Affair’s debut album earns a solid B. It is good dance music that is an easy feet mover. It is strong enough to be entertaining and yet smooth enough at to not intimidate less experienced dancers.

You can hear sample tracks and see videos on their web page, http://herculesandloveaffair.com/us/. There are also links there to where you can purchase the album or download individual tracks.
Blessed Be

Tension in Memphis

2008-07-07T21:01:00.000-07:00

Tension in Memphis
By Raven Usher

An incident in Memphis, TN involving a police officer beating a trans-woman was recently brought to my attention. Here are the facts. Duanna Johnson was arrested on a prostitution charge. She was in the booking area waiting to be processed into jail. That is where officer Bridges McRae struck her several times. The incident was caught on video by the police surveillance cameras.

According to Johnson, what started the incident was McRae calling her "faggot" and "he/she" when he asked her to stand up and be fingerprinted. She told him that that was not what her mother named her and that she would not respond to him until he called her by her name. That was when McRae initially came over and began to beat Johnson according to her.

The video clearly shows that Johnson is NOT a defenseless victim during the incident. She did not curl up into a ball and endure a beating. She fought back while in a seated position, even kicking at McRae’s knee. She then stands up and attacks McRae after he backs off. Also, refusing to stand and be finger printed regardless of how she was addressed is a serious offence. That alone is enough to make a police officer use physical force to make a suspect do as told.

Over the last decade since I came out as transgendered I have seen a lot of trannies do a lot of stupid things. I have seen them put themselves in harms way; by getting intimate with men who do not know they are TG. By exposing themselves to people or groups they know to be hostile towards TG’s. And by attracting unnecessary attention from law enforcement agencies and risking their very lives by facing prison time by breaking the law.

Transgendered people have an extra responsibility to their personal safety that average people do not have. We know that we face extra danger just because we are indeed transgendered. It is OUR job to protect ourselves. Anything that puts an average person at risk of violence puts transgendered people at five times that risk. That includes things like breaking the law and getting into confrontations with cops. 99.99% of cops will go out of their way and even risk their lives to help transgendered people the same as they would for anyone else. That .01% idiot should not be used to influence your trust in the police. Unless you are a criminal.

The prostitution charges have been dropped since the incident made the news. Johnson’s lawyers claim that there was no just cause for the arrest to begin with and say that is why the charges were dropped. Johnson also states that since she is African-American and towering at a height of 6’5” that she was “profiled” not only as a prostitute but also a potential threat. It seems more likely however that the charges were dropped so that the police department could partially defuse an already ugly incident. This specially seems likely as Johnson’s legal team avoids the subject of Johnson working as a sex worker.

There is no way of knowing conclusively at this point if the incident between McRae and Johnson was or was not hate-inspired since there is no audio evidence to support Johnson‘s claim of name calling on McRae‘s part. Johnson surely should not have been struck for anything less striking out first. (Although, using physical force to move her to the finger printing counter would be acceptable.) A police officer, specially one who works in booking, should be above being moved to violence by even the most offensive verbal borage from someone they have in custody.

That would not excuse Johnson from some responsibility in the incident. It is way beyond stupid to mouth off to or cop an attitude with the police. An insult or a purposely misused pronoun from an officer is not justification to refuse to obey police commands. Following that up with physically resisting when the officer tries to move you is a very bad thing.

Seeing the full length video, not the edited-for-hype-and-ratings version that was initially aired, it does appear that Johnson did in fact resist McRae when he attempted to physically move her. You can clearly see her pushing his hands away when he tried to take her by the upper arm. This would be comparable to resisting arrest and the officer would then be justified in striking the suspect. Johnson’s behavior was totally unjustified as a response to an insult.

I am sure of one thing after my own look into the ordeal. In my opinion this was not a hate crime against a trans-person. It was a common conflict between a cop and a suspected criminal. The suspect was being combative and the cop overstepped his bounds. There were bad judgment calls and wrong actions on both of their parts. Yes, officer McRae went to far in hitting Johnson as many times as he did. But Johnson did provoke the incident by resisting the officer and refusing to obey commands.

As on-lookers we need to remember that transgendered people do stupid and illegal things just like everyone else. Just because this suspect is black and/or transgendered we should not be too quick to use those details as an excuse to claim wrong doing before we have the proof. Most importantly, let us not over react and scream “hatred” and “prejudice” when there is no due. Keep your wits about you. Be real and truthful. And for the sake of the gods do not add to the hype.

Blessed Be

See this and previous issues of “Raven’s World” at www.ravenusher.blogspot.com.

Healthy Sex Lives

2008-06-23T18:21:00.000-07:00

Healthy Sex Lives
By Raven Usher

This is not necessarily an exclusively LGBT issue. A bunch of my friends and I got to talking about how much sex you have to have in order to consider it a good sex life. Of course there was the quality above quantity argument. But eventually we all agreed that no matter how great the sex is at the time you are doing it… if you are not getting it often enough you still have a bad sex life. It is the difference between good sex and a good sex life.

So that started the ‘how much is good, how little is bad, how much is great, how little sucks’ debate. And what was the time frame that should determine if the frequency of sex is good or bad? With all the things that can happen in life from day to day and week to week, we decided to measure by the year. We also decided to start in the middle with “good”.

We all agreed that once a week is good. But then there are those weeks when a couple with a woman involved in it would rather BBQ and eat her partner’s head than let that person touch her. So we figured 52 weeks in the year minus the 12+/- weeks that happen once a month when it just is not happening would be the “good” scale. So if you have sex between 40 and 52 times a year your sex life is “good”.

Then we had to figure out how to set the other categories. We decided to stay with the 12 point spread since that is the range in our original “good” category. We started by working down from good, figuring that those are the categories where most men would end up. (Sorry boys but this was a conversation between women.) That gave us 3 categories below good until we got to zero. Then, in the interest of balance, we decided to stick with 3 categories above good as well.

We know full well that a LOT of men, particularly straight men, are going to claim to be in the top category. We also know that 99.5% of those men are lying. Believe me when I say it, guys… the girls KNOW when guys are lying about their sexual exploits. So before you try to claim a spot in the top category, remember that we know better!

Anyway… here is the sex life scale. It goes by how many times you have sex in a year.

0 - 15 = in need of medical help
16 - 27 = bad
28 - 39 = needs improvement
40 - 52 = good
53 - 64 = exceeds expectations
65 - 76 = great
77 and up = porn star

(Remember that women know when men lie about sex.)

Blessed Be

It Is What It Is & It Ain’t What It Ain’t

2008-05-25T19:16:00.000-07:00

It Is What It Is & It Ain’t What It Ain’t
By Raven Usher

I am always more than happy to avail myself to any body who has questions or needs advice on any subject under the transgender umbrella. It could be a person who has some unexplored level of gender dysphoria. Or it could be someone who is learning how to cope with a transgendered loved one. Or it could be an experienced TG who just wants a second opinion or needs help locating a resource. What ever the case I am happy to help. That is why my number is listed as a contact down at The Community Center. I am paying forward the help that others gave me.

Things get tricky with giving advice when it turns out that the person seeking said advice is not truly transgendered. It is a bit of a common misnomer to call any man who puts on feminine attire a tranny. But that is not the case. There are plenty of instances when that clothes do not make the she-male.

The most well known example of non-transgendered men in women clothing are drag queens. Drag is not a form of transgenderism. It is a performance art. And it is a time honored art at that. The history of drag goes back to when it was considered obscene to have a woman on display on the a stage. This forced men to take women’s roles. A good actor who portrayed a woman was a theatre idol. In today’s world the base intent of drag is in total contradiction to being transgendered. It is drag queens’ intention to be notice. Trannies want to blend in.

The trickier man in girl’s coverings to deal with is the one who is far more likely to confuse himself as transgendered when he is not. The forced femme sexual fetish. This is actually a form of BDSM called sissifcation (turning a man into a “sissy“). The man’s partner takes control of his life and puts him into a life style that is nearly identical to transgenderism and sometimes even progressing towards elements of transsexualism.

The man submits his willpower to his partner. He is then made to wear women’s under wear, clothing and to basically take on the gender expression of a woman. Some go as far as to end up living as a woman 24/7 and even having augmentation surgeries. This is where the confusion comes in. They are basically going through all the same procedures as a TG or TS.

The distinction is very specific and VERY important. The true tranny undergoes these procedures because there is an internal conflict between gender appearance and gender expression. Specifically being one gender being trapped in the body of another. The sexual fetish is undergoing those same procedures to fulfill external desires of physical and emotional pleasure sensations. In a nutshell, they are in it for the fun.

So when a man calls up and says his wife is turning him into a submissive girl who is expected to do as she is told… there is no advice on transgenderism from any source that is going to do this person any kind of good. He is not transgendered.

I am not trying to make any kind of good/bad judgment call on either condition. I am just straightening out what is and what is not because I have recently had an encounter with a fetish looking for guidance. Counseling a fetish as if he were a TG would be just as damaging as counseling a TG as a fetish. They are two completely different circumstances requiring two completely different approaches. Unfortunately, I am not much help with the sexual fetish genre`. I just have no advice to give.

Blessed be

All Polls Point North #1 & #2

2008-05-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

See the rest of Adam & Steve's adventures on their own blog at http://allpollspointnorth.blogspot.com/

It Happens, Accept It

2008-05-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

It Happens, Accept It
By Raven Usher

No your eyes do not deceive you. I am back. You may rejoice!
Pride is on us once again. It has me thinking about how lucky I have been to have found something so precious in the midst of some serious personal hardship.

Acceptance.

It is what we want. It is what we need. It is what we strive to achieve (especially during Pride). Acceptance is an elusive little bugger. You never know where it is going to pop up. Sometimes it seems like it has been purposely chased out of areas that should be its natural habitat. Some religious institutions have become notorious in their efforts to chase it from their ranks as if it was a plaque rat. Doctors offices, law enforcement, legal agencies, legislative bodies… all the institutions whose purposes are meant to help us all in our quests for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness keep showing galling examples of how acceptance can be a rare commodity.

Then, when you are not expecting it, acceptance pops up like a lone flower from a crack in a barren patch of pavement. It brings a spark of color and light to a place we suspect may be a tad bit inhospitable. It is always a wonderful thing when that suspicion is proven wrong.

I found acceptance in a place that has a reputation for unbridled violence among a gang of rough and tumble, high-speed, low-drag women (and a handful of men) who present an image that is down right formidable. The Treasure Valley Roller Girls (TVR) roller derby league.

You never know how things are going to go the first time you walk into a new group of people. The prospect of practicing a sport twice a week where one tends to get pretty butched up and the chances of staying dolled up and in passing mode are slim makes one even more timid about diving into the situation. From the first time that I witnessed the roller girls practicing I knew full well, even just standing on the sidelines, that I was going to be read. And I was.

And they did not care. They treated me exactly like every other fresh meat (that’s what they call the new girls who haven’t been drafted on to one of the four teams) skater in the league. Not one of them, skaters or referees, ever gave me the slightest reason to feel uncomfortable for even a moment. Although quite a few of them are pretty good at making me feel old with how effectively they skate circles around me.

And I am not the only LGBT person who has found that same acceptance among the ranks of the TVR. I am not about to go printing names without people’s permission. Suffice to say that Pride will have its observers at the roller derby.

And as coincidence has it, the TVR will be having a bout (a game) against a visiting team from Bend, Oregon at the same time we will be celebrating Pride. The bout will be at the Idaho Expo Center on Friday, June 13th. The doors open at 6pm and the bout starts at 7pm. It would be a great gesture of reciprocal support and acceptance for some of us from the LGBT community took some time during Pride to go down to the Expo and watch some roller derby. That and it is a hell of a good fun. Ticket information is available on the TVR website, http://www.treasurevalleyrollergirls.net/.

Blessed Be

Rational.... or Not?

2008-01-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

Rational… or Not?
By Raven Usher

Some fears are rational. That makes them useful because they help keep us out of dangerous situations. They keep us from walking on ice that will break below our feet. It keeps us from crossing the street into traffic. They keep us from getting too close to the edge of the cliff. With a healthy level of rational fear (and exercising some common sense) we can stay out of a lot of trouble.

Some fears are irrational. They simply do not make sense and if you try you can usually figure out why they are there. Most of them are left-overs from real intense scares from some other time in our lives. Being bit by one dog as a child can leave the grown adult afraid of all dogs. Witnessing someone have an accident can make someone avoid that same activity from then on out.

Some of them are given birth by our imagination. A six-year-old could hear a spooky story about the boogie man. Thirty years later there is a adult who can not go to sleep at night if the closet door is open. There is absolutely no danger in the closet. The person knows full well that there is no danger in the closet. But that imaginary fear has been engrained into the subconscious for so long that the impulse to close the closet door before getting into bed simply cannot be ignored.

These irrational fears are harmless. They do not have any kind of negative impact on our lives. So someone has a pet cat instead of a dog. The companionship is still there. So someone never goes skydiving. Some people would call that a smart decision. So someone takes three extra steps at night before going to bed. What do you lose for that?

What happens when irrational fears DO have a negative impact upon our lives? What if they stop us form being able to accomplish simple, every day tasks? What if they impair our ability to live a healthy life? What if an irrational fear goes so far as to become a verifiable threat to our own lives? Perdition must feel like a picnic after living with that kind of fear.

The North American Lexicon of Transgender Terms (http://www.glbpubs.com/lex.html) lists an entry; “Free-Shot Bull’s Eye” defined as “The fear of being a target for anti-transgender or transphobic violence while being without protection from law enforcement agencies.”

Rational or irrational? Harmless or negative effect?

There are transgendered people who suffer greatly from this fear. It stops them from coming out of the closet. It keeps them from the proper gender expression. It stops them from pursuing transition. In a nutshell, it keeps people from being their true selves. I believe that to be a very serious negative effect. It is like being so afraid of water that you are unable to leave the house if it rains. It is that much of an inhibitor to living a happy, healthy life.

Is it an irrational fear? That is harder to say. There certainly have been examples of law enforcement officers falling short of their duties to protect the public when it comes to transgendered individuals. I have seen reports of officers around the country turning a blind eye to the aftermath of violence. I have heard of accounts of officers being rude and abusive. (I do not have knowledge of anything like that happening in Boise specifically.)

I have also seen incidents of police men and women going to great lengths to be as sensitive as possible towards tranfolk. I myself have experienced first hand members of the legal profession going out of their way to accommodate my unusual physical circumstance. I have even seen officers be as helpful as possible to TG people on the TV show COPS.

That makes me think that the fear of “being without protection from law enforcement agencies” really is an irrational fear. I think we should hold the incidents of maltreatment and/or abuse by police against the individual officers who commit those failures in duty. I have found more examples of sympathetic attitudes from officers than those of hostility or indifference.

There are people in this world of whom transgendered individuals should be afraid. Every now and then one of those people will find employment in law enforcement. That should not make us afraid of all law enforcement agencies. And the dereliction of duty by that one cop should not be held as a blight against the agency. Trust the cops. It will save your life.
Bad apples do not spoil barrels.

Blessed be.

Treasure Valley Roller Girls - Roller Derby

2007-12-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

This is just for fun. It's not really news of any kind. And it has nothing to do with transgender issues. I just really enjoy doing it.
FYI.... I'm the referee in the pink helmet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUxMI4XDC8w

Transgender Day of Remembrance

2007-10-14T17:25:00.000-07:00

Transgender Day of Remembrance
By Raven Usher

Writing about the November 20 Transgender Day of Remembrance has become an annual event for me. Usually, I spend a couple of months ahead of time researching the names and consequences of the year’s fallen. It is one of the reasons why I appear to become saddened as the holiday season approaches. This year I simply did not have the energy or fortitude to do that research.

A fairly large part of me feels like I have failed those victims of violence who had their lives taken from them this year. Although justice may not be forth coming for the crimes of their deaths, I always thought that by honoring their memories, as I have done, in some cosmic way it may have helped bring some peace to their souls. It is the same philosophy that keeps the flame burning at the tomb of the unknown soldier; gone but not forgotten. If the memory of their plight helps us stop similar cruelty in the future then maybe, just maybe, there can be some good and useful purpose to their tragic loss.

I know that sounds hopelessly optimistic, but hopeless optimism seems to be my greatest driving force these days. Besides, maybe a little hopeless optimism is exactly what we need right now. With a self-hating, denial ripe congressional closet queen who publicly goes back on his word every few days and a self-mutilating tranny convict bringing the worst stereotypes of the LGBT community into the national spotlight for Idaho, optimism could end up being a short supplied precious commodity.

As I have said, I did not go through my yearly “dark voyage” for 2007. Usually I trudge through the muck of national news wires, LGBT press lines and the news and message boards of dozens of LGBT organizations. I find names, dates and locations. Then I research the names and search local news from their location. You would be amazed at what can be found if you just spend a couple of days sifting through the electronic garbage. I have even found home addresses and phone numbers of the next of kin.

Of course with an average of 13 - 15 Transgendered people being the victims of violence every year that kind of research is time consuming and exhaustive work. Not to mention the mental and emotional tolls one has to pay to be neck deep in that kind of inhumanity for any length of time. The truth is I avoided that research simply because I do not want to spend another week or two in a psychiatric facility again. As much as I want to serve and honor those fallen dead the price was just too high this year. I pray that they and the gods will forgive my selfishness. But I cannot honor them in life if I join them in death.

I do have some names. But I have little else. I cannot call out the names of their murderers as I have done in the past. I cannot report on the circumstances of their loss. I do not have the details of their lives before tragedy struck. So I humbly offer what little I do have. Blessings and peace be upon their souls.

Nakia Ladelle Baker
Cause of Death: Blunt force trauma to the head.

Keittirat Longnawa
Cause of Death: Beaten by 9 Youths who then slit her throat.

Moira Donaire
Cause of Death: Stabbed 5 times by a street vendor.

Michelle Carrasco “Chela”
Cause of Death: She was found in a pit with her face completely disfigured.

Ruby Rodriguez
Cause of Death: She had been strangled and was found naked in the street.

Erica Keel
Cause of Death: A car repeatedly struck her.

Bret T. Turner
Cause of Death: Multiple stab wounds.

Unidentified Male Clad in Female Attire
Cause of Death: Gunshot wounds to the chest and lower back.

Victoria Arellano
Cause of Death: Denied necessary medications to treat HIV-related side effects.

Oscar Mosqueda
Cause of Death: Shot to death.

Blessed Be

To Be or Not To Be... The Answer is the Thing

2007-09-16T14:29:00.000-07:00

To Be or Not To Be… The Answer is the Thing
By Raven Usher

To be or not to be? Shakespeare called it “the question”. As I am sure that most of the English speaking world is familiar with these words, I am equally sure that few have ever bothered to contemplate them. A series of six very simple words actually present a very complicated question. Should I be? Or should I not be?

Have you ever spent any time thinking about what it means to be? It means existing. It means living and doing all the things that allow you to continue to live. To exist. To be. On the other side of that coin is the more ominous option. To NOT be.

Have you ever thought about not being? It is a chilling thought, is it not? Most people do not even want to approach the subject. The truth is that it never occurs to most people to contemplate being until they have an unsettling surprise encounter with the possibility of not being. It could be a car accident. It could be a heart attack. It could be staring down the barrel of a gun (someone else’s or your own).

How many of you have already come to the conclusion that you are reading the nonsensical ravings of a crazy suicidal bitch? Well, I have been suicidal and I might just be crazy. But I assure this is not nonsense.

You do not just recover from depression. A penicillin shot from your local doc does not clear it up in a few days the way it cleared up the after math of that rendezvous in the dark corner of the park with a stranger. It takes time. That is, if full recovery ever happens at all.

To be. To enjoy those things that bring you pleasure. To indulge in the company of those who love you. To sample the delicate tastes and flavors the world has to offer. To stand and face adversity. To endure sorrow. To feel ALL the feelings the human heart is capable off letting out. To balance the joys against the sorrows… the pleasures against the pains. To feel the heat of the sun and the cold of the snow. To feel silk on your chest and gravel under your feet. To sleep. And to wake up.

There is so much to consider. It is not an easy accomplishment to think about all those things. The truth is that most of us take it all for granted. We are use to them being there whether we need them or not. So many people scurry through life blissfully unaware of how fragile the whole structure can become. When a person has to consciously take stock of the entire company of his or her life on a daily basis, the sheer act of being becomes a dauntless struggle.

Not to be. The great escape. The great surrender. Is it cowardice? NO. It is defeat. It is confusion. It is the end of all the unanswerable question, the unendurable feelings and the total exhaustion of not being able to be. It is the answer to being trapped. It is pure sorrow at it strongest incarnation. It is, in a word, helplessness.

Most of us do not know, and hopefully will never know, true helplessness. I think most people think of helplessness in the cute and cuddly context of caring for an infant. But infants are not truly helpless. When an infant is in distress it can communicate the fact to those around the infant with a series of screams and yells. When one reaches the stage of considering not being even that simple survival skill is lost.

Depression and suicide runs rampant through the LGBT community. As optimistic as the “fell-gooders” want us all to be, it is not something that one can save oneself from. Have you ever heard the helpless cries of someone near you? Do you even know what to listen for? The helpless can not ask for help. Can you offer it?

Blessed be

Trans in Prison

2007-07-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

Trans in Prison
By Raven Usher

There is currently a person in the Idaho State correctional facility who claims to be male to female transsexual. About once a year, during the media sweeps, he makes the news because he does something dramatic to get attention. This year he resorted to self mutilation by allegedly cutting out his own testicles.

The person has sued the corrections dept. and the state of Idaho a number of times trying to get the taxpayers to pay for hormone therapy (HRT) as a step towards sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). Each time he has failed.

Now, as you read the rest of this article remember that I myself am a pre-operative male to female transsexual. I have undergone HRT and have transition to the point where I am living full time as a woman.

In order to start HRT (without self medicating with black market medications) one must undergo psychological testing to confirm the level of your gender identity disorder (GID). Only about 10% of transgendered people qualify for those services. And even if you do qualify psychologically, there are a number of other factors that can disqualify you from actually receiving HRT and SRS.

One of the biggest disqualifiers is having a history of violent tendencies. True transsexuals are the ultimate pacifists. We just do not get violent. It is not in our nature. We tend to be so passive that most of the time we do not even fight to defend ourselves. It is part of the transsexual psychological make up.

I do not know why this person who claims to be transsexual is in prison. But being the child and sibling of police officers, I do know that you do not go to a state correctional facility for over a decade for non-violent crimes. Hormone treatment can react havoc on a person’s emotions. Starting SRS begins a period of emotional unbalance that can take three to six months to work out. If a person already has tendencies towards violence hormones will only intensify it.

I also know that a transsexual in a prison environment is all kinds of bad news! Prison society is a microcosm with its own societal rules and norms. The introduction of a transsexual would be so disruptive that it would threaten the working order of the entire prison to its very core. To have a transsexual in prison is to risk a level of unrest that could potentially trigger a violent riot that would endanger ALL the prisoners and the guard staff.

Because of these reasons, it is my personal believe that this person is trying to use HRT and SRS to keep himself isolated from other prisoners. It is actually a pretty good scam. But it is the absolute worse example possible for the transgender community. Not just in Idaho but all across the nation.

This man, note I said MAN, is not an acceptable candidate for HRT.
1) He has a history of violence.
DISQUALIFIED!
Hormone treatment will make violent people more violent.
2) He is in prison.
DISQUALIFIED!
The introduction of a trans person into a prison environment will put him in immediate danger of becoming a victim of physical violence, rape and murder.
According to the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care:
3) He does not have the ability to achieve ”the real life experience”.
DISQUALIFIED!
4) He does not have an long lasting relationship with a gender therapist.
DISQUALIFIED!

The simple truth of the matter is that this man should not start HRT in his present circumstances being in prison. Maybe when he is released from prison and undergoes regular therapy he will be able to pursue it. But right now, at this time, he should not start taking hormones. And gender activist organizations and individuals need to stop over reacting and screaming “discrimination” without taking the time to look at the overall situation. No good can come from his starting HRT in prison. It will put him in danger. It will put the prison at unnecessary risk. The Idaho State penitentiary and the State is doing the exact right thing by denying hormone treatment to this person at this time.

"Red Team, You Have a Patient"

2007-07-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

“Red Team, You Have a Patient”

By Raven Usher

This is not an apology. There is no reason for me to apologize. Yes, it is true that I worried the hell out of my wife and kids. And I made my father, the ex military MP, fight back tears when he looked at me. And I triggered my brother’s EMT/cop protective instincts. And I sent my closest friends into a tizzy of near panic. Still with all this, there is no need for apologies.

I have written about it. I have talked about it. I have even lectured about it. I have come to the rescue of others in crisis from it. I have counseled people who have faced it. I have helped others beat it. During the last week in June 2007, it brought me to my knees and I needed others to come to my rescue.

At approximately two in the afternoon I left my house on my motorcycle trying to run from something that was not tangible. By eight o’clock that night I had been admitted to the Saint Alphonsus psychiatric center under suicide watch.

In February of this year I wrote about the 50% rule. It states that 50% of transsexuals will end up dead by their early 30’s… most by committing suicide. The Harry Benjamin Standards of Care calls it being susceptible to “Emotional lability”. I am nearly forty now and although I have surpassed that focal age group I am still in danger. I have been since October 2006.

Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings is a possibility that every transgendered person should be knowledgeable about. It may never plague you. If not count yourself lucky. It can hit any of us at any time. Although my own fight against suicide is not directly linked to my being transsexual, my predisposition of susceptibility to depression from being transgendered made it all the easier for outside influences overwhelm me.

Of course, anyone can fall victim to suicidal thoughts and feelings. It is not a condition that is particular to transgendered people. But if you are transgendered, and especially if you are on or are considering hormone therapy, you need to be aware that you are at added risk. Despite my current condition, undergoing hormone therapy and pursuing transition was still the best decision of my life. It has been my saving grace.

Being a trans person has its risks. Most of those risks do not come from the outside world. We must be vigilant against the possibility hatred, intolerance and violence. But it is more important to be aware of the risks from inside ourselves. Our own physical health and our mental and emotional states can present even more danger than bigots and religious fanatics.

It is a scary thing when your brain tries to convince you to end your own life. It is even scarier when you start to listen and move to do what you are being told. The danger got so real for me that it triggered my flight instinct. I ran. Luckily my instincts led me to run to where I could find help. It certainly was not conscious thought that got me to Saint Alphonsus. I do not know how I got there. All I know for certain is that I had been riding aimlessly for over an hour before I managed to take that left turn into their parking lot.

The truth is I got very lucky. I avoided doing any physical damage to myself. Unfortunately, not everyone who finds themselves in that position gets lucky. I have every possible safety precaution in place. I have professional help. But still… At this moment I cannot be confident about how long my luck will hold out. Or if I even have any luck left.

How lucky are you? Can you rely on your luck to save you? Please do not leave it to luck. Know your level of risk. Talk to someone before it becomes an emergency. There is a way out.
Blessed Be

24 hour suicide hotline: 1-800-726-0003

Deadly Secrets

2007-06-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

Deadly Secrets
By Raven Usher

A good friend of mine made a very big mistake a while ago. It was the kind of mistake that immediately made me ask her if she was OK.

She was diving home from a club late at night. On the way, she stopped and picked up a hitch hiker. As stupid as that was, it was not the mistake that made me fear for her safety.

Before she dropped him off she had sex with him. As stupid as unprotected sex with a stranger is, that was not what made me fear for her safety.

She is a pre-operative male to female transsexual. She had sex with this guy without telling him she has a penis. That is the mistake that made me fear for her very life.

The most common reason that transsexuals get hurt and/or killed is because they did not tell the person they were physically intimate with before hand and that person freaked out after discovering the truth. It is a fact of tranny life. Surprising a sexual partner is life threatening. It is the single most dangerous stupid mistake we can make.

It is not only dangerous for male to female transsexuals. Female to male trannies face the same danger. The violence that took Brandon Teena’s life was so horrifically tragic that it not only made national headlines but her story also became a successful motion picture.

Gwen Araujo was bludgeoned to death by a group of men who had not even gotten into her pants. They freaked out after only receiving oral sex from her. To top it off, the attack that took her life happened days after the sexual encounter when the men found out from a third party that Araujo was transgendered.

What really makes this kind of violence tragic is that it is 100% preventable. It does not have to happen. With the simple act of putting our personal safety ahead of our physical urges we can keep all that danger at bay. Just do not be stupid. Make sure the person (or people) that you plan to have sex with know about you before hand. Do not surprise them.

Have you ever gone to take a drink of what you thought was one thing and gotten something completely different? Maybe you are a coffee drinker and you accidentally got tea in your cup instead. Or maybe what you thought was apple juice turned out to be bourbon. Or maybe the milk was sour and you did not notice until it hit your tongue.

The point is that when you expect one thing and get something totally different it is an unpleasant shock. When a horny, excited straight male is expecting something soft and wet and he gets something hard and long… the potential for a violent reaction is practically guaranteed. If tasting tea instead of coffee is enough to make you spit liquid across the table what kind of reaction do you expect to get from a surprise tallywacker?!

I am ALWAYS appalled at violence targeted at transgendered people based on the sole reason that they are indeed transgendered. But as upset and heartbroken as I get when I read those news stories, part of me cannot help but be a little angry at the transgendered person who does something so appallingly moronic as surprising a sexual partner with the anatomy of a pre-operative transsexual body. I simply can not say it often enough or loud enough. It is stupid. It is stupid. IT IS STUPID!

It is not a political platform. It is not an issue of discrimination. It is simple and basic self preservation! A person who walks through an alligator infested swamp does not have the right to act surprised when a gator clamps down on her leg.

Violence is not acceptable. But neither is it acceptable to plunge yourself headlong into a situation that you know for certain will cause you deadly harm. It is OK to be blonde. Just do not be a dumb blonde!
Blessed Be

A Day of Counted Sorrows (past issue 10/19/03)

2007-05-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

A Day of Counted Sorrows

Remembering Our Dead

10/19/2003

“Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it.” --George Santayana

I have a question for you all. What do Ze Galhinha, Chandini (aka Nazir), Tamyra Michaels, Georgina Matehaere, Roberta Nizah Morris, Timothy “Cinnamon” Broadus, Nikki Nicholas, Danisha Victoria Principal Williams, Ronald Andrew Brown, Merlinka (Vjeran Miladinovic), Mimi Young, Jessica Mercado, Hendricks Thomas (aka Tanesha Starr), Shelby Tracy Tom, Michael Charles Hurd, Cinnamon (Kendrick) Perry, Nireah Johnson, Selena Alvarez, Bella Evangelista, Emonie Kiera Spaulding and Cassandra “Tula” Do all have in common?

Answer: They, along with one other unidentified person, are the twenty-two transgendered people that have been murdered from November 20, 2002 until now.

I know what you are wondering. What is the significance of November 20th? November 20th is the “Transgender Day of Remembrance” and 2003 will be its 5th annual observance. The “Remembering Our Dead” project that sponsors the Day of Remembrance tracks and documents the murder of transgendered people all over the world.The Transgender Day of Remembrance was set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28th, 1998 kicked off the “Remembering Our Dead” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999.

Rita Hester’s murder, like most anti-transgender murder cases, has yet to be solved.Although not every person represented during the Day of Remembrance self-identified as transgendered, that is, as a transsexual, crossdresser, or otherwise gender-variant, each was a victim of violence based on bias against transgendered people. The Transgender Day of Remembrance serves several purposes. It raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgendered people, an action that current media does not perform.

Day of Remembrance publicly mourns and honors the lives of our brothers and sisters who might otherwise be forgotten. Through the vigil, we express love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred. Day of Remembrance reminds non-transgendered people that we are their sons, daughters, parents, friends and lovers. Day of Remembrance gives our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil, memorializing those of us who have died by anti-transgender violence.Remembering Our Dead and The Transgender Day of Remembrance are maintained mainly by Gwendolyn Ann Smith through the web site at www.gender.org/remember/day.

The site also contains a list of all the current year’s transgendered fallen and the circumstances surrounding their deaths. A complete list of all those that have been lost going back thirteen years can also be seen at the site.A total of 264 people (207 Domestic, 57 International) have been murdered as of 06/30/03 according to the Remembering Our Dead records. The average number of deaths has been maintaining itself at about 12 per year. That is one a month, folks.

The deadliest year for transgendered people was 2002 with 25 killings, doubling the average. 2003 has a firm hold of second place with a current body count of 22. The top five rounds out with: 2000 - 19, 2001 - 19, 1997 - 18.

You may ask yourself why the police do not pay more attention to these specific types of crimes when they occur in such overwhelming numbers. It is simple. Because the police contribute to the body count. It is widely observed that transgendered people fear the police as much as they fear any attacker. There are four deaths on the books that were perpetrated by police officers. This includes Logan Smith who died of septic shock due to a punctured bladder. Police officers kicked Logan in his abdomen and sprayed him with pepper gas after stopping him for “failure to signal a right turn and failure to display a license plate.” Smith had offered no physical resistance. He died later that evening.

Other emergency services do not have much better records when dealing with transgendered victims. Paramedics and emergency room workers also drop the ball. Jessica (Gerardo) Castillo suffered a blunt trauma to the head. She received inadequate care from D.C. general hospital, and from the medical team on scene of the accident. Georgina Matehaere managed to get herself to a hospital after being beaten with a baseball bat, but was promptly discharged. She was later returned to the same hospital via ambulance where she died of her injuries. Her last words before she lost consciousness were a plea for peace.

The federal institutions fall short in their responsibilities to protect people as well. Two civilians and one serviceman have been killed by military personnel; one by a military policeman. Pvt. Barry L. Winchell was beaten to death, allegedly by Pvt. Calvin N. Glover, because he was in a relationship with a transgendered woman. He was not transgendered himself.

With such atrocities happening at the hands of the very people we enlist to protect us, the first instinct is to look for refuge at home with our families. No such luck. Giuseppe Mandanici was killed by a hit man hired by his father for $700. Richard Goldman was shot and killed by his father, retired state judge Milton Goldman. Diane Delia was shot four times in the head by her husband. An unnamed infant with ambiguous genitalia was killed by a blunt force trauma to the head, as well as strangulation, allegedly by the child's mother, Aruna Kavili. Jamie (James) Jackson was beaten to death in her own doorway. Four of this year’s victims were killed in their own homes. So, no. Home is not any safer than the streets.

Some of these crimes are so unspeakably brutal that it boggles the mind that the people who commit them are rarely, if ever, caught. Sometimes they are never even looked for. Dianne Aubert was stabbed in the back 121 times. Tracy Thompson was stabbed 120 times. Raimundo Rocha Alves had 42 stab wounds to the head! Kevin Freeman’s skull was split nearly in half. One of the most horrific murders was Barretta Williams. She was shot 16 times, pistol whipped, tied up with speaker wire, and gagged with a sock taped into her mouth. She was then tortured for several hours, beaten to death, and beheaded by Kenneth Poole and Ralph David Frantzreb. Activist Kristi Independence Kelly died in a plane crash. Suspicion is that she had probably been assassinated by "Dannites" (the covert paramilitary wing of the Mormon Church).

A great majority of attacks on transgendered people are sexually motivated. Homophobia and sexual insecurity drives some assailants to extremes. Larry Venzant, William Battles, Jean (Woodrow) Powell and Randy Loomis were all sexually mutilated before their deaths. Randy was left to die on the street. He never received any medical attention. Barbara (William) Brodie, Steven Wilson and Michelle Lynne O'Hara were all raped and brutalized before they died. Michelle was so traumatized by the rape that she committed suicide shortly afterwards.

In the face of such violence, I have been asked many times why I have chosen to make my transition in Idaho, a state with a notorious past reputation of harboring groups that promote intolerance and providing a haven for agents of hate driven violence. I must admit, I do feel rather isolated and exposed at times. Having the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck because of some nameless fear is not unknown to me. Seriously, I do not carry a gun because I am perfectly at ease.

But all things told and considered, Idaho statistically qualifies as one of the safer places for people like me despite the lack of laws to protect us. Of the 207 people who were murdered in 89 cities through 33 states across the United States of America since 1990, not one death has happened in Idaho. There is some morbid comfort in that. Maybe that is because we number so few in Idaho that we are not perceived to be quite so threatening. Maybe we hold a niche of an oddity to be gawked at but not touched. Maybe no one believes we really exist here. Or maybe it is just that nobody has gotten around to doing an Idaho transgender in yet. Who knows?

What I do know is that these statistics are unacceptable. A transgendered person has been murdered every two weeks for the past two years. Far too few of the killers have been found and brought to justice. Only five of the last year’s twenty-two victims have had the killers identified. I want to live. That is the whole point to what I have done to my body. It is the reason I have risked my family’s unity. It is the underlying current to why I have caused so much disruption to all the lives that are connected to me.

I am suppose to have “the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Will my killer continue to enjoy his life, liberty and happiness after I am dead? If my battered body turns up in a downtown alley, will my family have any hope at all to see justice done? The statistics say, “No.”

Blessed Be.

To Lipstick or Not to Lipsstick...

2007-05-11T14:00:00.000-07:00

To Lipstick or Not to Lipstick…
by Raven Usher
I had a meeting with my oldest daughter’s principal not too long ago. It was one of those boring chores you are forced to do when you are a parent. I dread school functions. A chorus of third graders singing public domain songs while performing bad choreography on the bleachers is enough to make me want to stick my finger through my eye, back into my brain and swirl it around. I am just not a PTO kind of mom.
My fifteen year old is soon to depart to the Midwest to compete in a national high school championship. It ensured that I would have to go talk to school officials. Ick. I had about a fifteen minute discussion with the principal. As I stood to leave he stopped me and said, “I just have to ask. You and Michelle are both Mom?”
He was so visibly uncomfortable asking. It was so cute. At that moment the little scene made me giggle and took off the unpleasant edge off of being at the school. Later at home I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror as I scampered around the house doing me daily chores. No make-up. Hair a mess. Ratty old comfy t-shirt. It was the kind of look on a parent that makes the kids want to be dropped off three blocks from school so their friends do not see their mom.
Then I realized that this is how I presented myself to the principal. Completely uncamouflaged. I had adorned myself with none of the trappings of the gender of my heart. I had passed a very close face-to-face scrutiny without any artificial societal markers of gender. In my teenager’s language, that was way kewl!
Way back when it felt really great when I passed as a woman for the first time. I was all done up. Twice as much time had been spent preparing for the night out than on the night out itself. It was worth it though.
This was so different. It was still very exciting. I do not know why I was so surprised. I have told so many aspiring trannies that their most effective tool is patience. You have to give everything time to work. I have been taking hormones since May of 2000. So it seems my own patience is paying off.
As I looked into the mirror, I thought about other people I have talked to recently. Waiters. The car salesman. Other parents. The bank manager. The security guard at the Boise Burn games. All face-to-face contacts. Close scrutiny. And with less and less prep as time goes on.
I think I may be starting to do what I have accused so many genetic women of doing. I’m starting to take being female for granted. Bad Raven! Bad, bad Raven!
Oh well. If I have to take something for granted I am glad its actually able to be this.
Blessed Be

2007-04-15T13:34:00.000-07:00

City of Boise Protects All
by Raven Usher

Managing Editor, Diversity Newsmagazine
Boise, ID - While Idaho citizens face a ballot on the Nov 2006 election that threatens to write prejudice and discrimination into the Idaho state constitution, civic leaders in Boise took a bold step towards human rights and equality.

On April 26 the Boise City Council, led by Council President MaryAnne Jordan and supported by Mayor Bieter, voted unanimously to add sexual orientation AND gender identity to the city's non-discrimination policy. The vote is the result of a six year campaign to combat discrimination an intolerance. The entire council has pledged their support not only to back this decision but also to stand together and face whatever comes next.

Idaho state Representative Nicole LeFavour and Boise human rights activist Nikki Leonard were instrumental in their work with Council President Jordan in bringing this brave and progressive step towards equal human rights by the City Council to fruition. Idaho LGBT press lines, which were informed of this major development almost immediately after the vote had taken place, showed appreciation and support to the Boise City Council by withholding press releases and news stories to give Council President Jordan the chance to make the first public announcement. This uncommon show of unity between a government body and news organizations is a testament to the dedication to human rights that is being fostered in Idaho's capitol city.

"This is a real cause for celebration," said Representative LeFavour. "It is one of those moments that I have held my breath for."

With a population under 300,000 Boise is a relatively small city. However, the City Council has shown that Boise can stand tall side by side with major metropolitan cities such as New York, Chicago, Miami and Los Angeles in the protection of its citizens.

There is no telling what effect news of the new non-discrimination policy will have on the Nov 2006 election issue that threatens to make same-sex marriage illegal in Idaho. However, such a major step towards equality does shed a ray of hope that the citizens of Idaho will continue the fight against hatred that drove white supremacists out of the state. That same spirit may yet defeat the push that threatens to have state-sponsored hatred to be written into the Idaho constitution.

The state-wide slogan "Idaho is too great for hate!" passed the test of its truth when neo-nazi groups were defeated in Idaho. It is now being put to the test over equal human rights for gay, lesbian and transgendered people. The Boise City Council has stood up to and passed that test. In Nov the nation will see if the rest of Idaho will pass that same test.

The 80% Rule

2007-04-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

The 80% Rule
by Raven Usher

Going through a Transsexual transition is expensive! I am not speaking of just the cost of sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). [circa $15,000] The whole experience of shelling out money through the ongoing process is like a Master Card commercial gone insane!

Hormones: $100+ per month. Therapist appointments: $90 per visit. Laser hair removal: $50 per hour. Breast augmentation: $2,500. Facial feminization surgery: $5,000. Constantly updating your wardrobe to fit your changing body form: $1,000 - $1,200 per quarter. Completing transsexual transition (if you survive it): priceless.

To add to the stress and complications of paying for it all, there are two major slaps in the face that transsexuals get hit with. The first is that no medical insurance program anywhere in the United States will cover the cost of SRS. Even when a licensed psychiatrist diagnoses the medical condition of gender dysphoria and that the need for transition is medically necessary the insurance companies will not pay their share. Sometimes prescription coverage programs will cover the hormones. But you need to have a medical doctor write the prescription. And then you have to pay for those doctor visits too.

The biggest financial setback is a horrifying statistic. 80% of all transsexuals will lose their jobs when they transition. How is that for discrimination in the workplace?

Finding a new job is not an easy undertaking either. Most trannies are forced to live off savings or other pitiful sources of income until they become passable in their new gender expression. That process takes between one and two years. That is a lot of overhead to pay out when there is little to no cash coming in.

The entire country has anti-discrimination laws that prevent someone from being fired because they are a woman. There are only a handful of laws that protect someone from being fired because they want to become a woman. The city of Boise has added gender expression to its workplace protections for civil services employees. In other words, TG’s who work for a city agency have protection at their jobs. The rest of us are still victim to the oppression of “at will” employment.

It is this workplace discrimination that hinders most TG’s from coming out of the closet. Even more than facing the possible scorn of family and friends, the prospect of being cast out of a long standing and promising career is an intimidating obstacle. It is hard enough to do something that could possibly leave you alone in the world. To face it without a source of income is salt in the wounds.

So why do we do it? Why do we throw ourselves headlong into such a body and soul battering maelstrom? Because the Master Card commercials all end with the same promise… “Completing transsexual transition: priceless!”
Blessed Be

The 2% Rule

2007-03-25T18:48:00.001-07:00

The 2% Rule
by Raven Usher

Only 2% of marriages that encounter a transsexual transition by one of the partners remains in tact.

OK, so it is more of a statistic than a rule. But that does not change the ominous meaning of it. 2%. That is even lower than the survival rate of straight Christian vanilla marriages.

On the surface the reason for that divorce rate seems kind of obvious. The husband wants to be the wife. (Or vice versa.) How could a marriage possibly survive with two wives? How could any relationship endure that kind of monumental change?

Much like the right-wing anti-gay-marriage movement, the people who ask those type of questions have obviously lost all sight of what marriage is truly suppose to be about. Almost all the marriage vows that you will hear have something along the lines of “for richer, for poorer, for better or for worse” in them. What does that mean?

It means unconditional love. The kind of love that expects the hard times and the poor times. It is the love that realizes that life is like riding the bus… it requires change.

Now granted that a wife being told that her husband wants to be a woman is way out of the realm of even the most liberal definition of “normal.” It still falls under the heading of those marriage vows. Once all the parties involved understand that, once all the difficult adjustments are made, overall life with the couple will get better. When one member of a couple is unhappy the couple is unhappy. To make the couple happy the individuals need to find their paths to happiness and the partners need to find a way to support that path. I am not trying to play down the huge impact that a transsexual transition has on a marriage and a family. The point is that a real marriage can survive anything.

Usually in order to survive a TS change it takes some self-realization on the part of the one not making the change. A wife has to come to know and believe that her husband wanting to become a woman IS NOT a failure in any way on her part. It is not because she was not enough of a woman or a lover. It is not because she is lacking any amount of femininity. It is not because she did not love or give enough.

It is quite the opposite. It is because the wife is such a strong and dependable image of womanhood, that her femininity is so well defined, because she loves and gives of herself so completely. That is why the husband is able to show her the overwhelming amount of trust it takes for him to open his heart and confess the desire that is eating him away from inside. It is why he is able to lay his entire life at her feet and ask her to make a sacrifice worthy of the most sacred martyr.

Only in the unconditional love of a true marriage can such a thing happen. And if only the partners who are asked to make that sacrifice could understand that it is their strength that makes it possible to even consider asking for such support, far more than 2% of those loving and well rooted marriages would survive.

It is not insurmountable. The partnership, the family and the marriage can endure. All you have to do is hold tight to the unconditional love that made it possible for you, as a couple, to reach a place where you can face obstacles together and, in union, overcome that which neither one could conquer alone.

Blessed Be

2007-03-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

The 50% Rule

2007-03-13T09:58:00.000-07:00

The 50% Rule
by Raven Usher

50% Rule: Statistic that states “50% of all transsexuals will die by their early 30’s. A small number die from violence, disease or other common causes. Most commit suicide.” - The North American Lexicon of Transgender Terms.

(available at www.glbpubs.com/lex.html)

It’s a scary statistic, isn’t it? Half. That is a lot. Look around you some time and take notice of all the people around you. Now imagine that half of them are gone. Just gone.

It can be a difficult thing being part of that group. You never really know to which half you belong. Are you safe? Are you at risk? How can you tell in either case?

The reason the so many transsexuals commit suicide is that they fall victim to intense bouts of depression. Just about any tranny can tell you about feeling trapped or oppressed. Even those who survive the 50% rule are still likely to experience depression at some point.

To contemplate your own demise can be nerve racking under any circumstance. To consider yourself being the cause of it is beyond description. Even when one listens to someone talk about it is close to impossible for the average person to get the full scope of its impact.
People do not just wake up one morning and say to themselves, “I want to die today.”

It is a long brutal progression of sorrow and pain. The thoughts creep into the back of the mind like a slow growing weed. Its seeds spreading on a barely audible breeze that whispers the unthinkable in someone’s ear. It keeps growing until the weeds are tangled so tightly around one’s feet that movement is impossible and the whisper becomes a bellowing roar that pounds like war drums in the ear. Step by step it wears away stamina and resistance until finally the last tug of a weed and the last gust of wind brings the whole structure tumbling into oblivion.
That moment is when the pills get swallowed, the knife makes its cut, the rope tightens and the gun fires. It is the point of surrender. It is the ultimate expression of sorrow.

The truly sad part of the 50% rule is that it does not have to be a rule at all. It can be stopped. The depression can be overcome. The bad thoughts can be stopped.

The problem is that by the time someone realizes they need help, they may not be able to seek it out. One of the first casualties of depression is a person’s motivation to do anything. They do not have the willpower left to take part in the things that once brought them happiness much less seek out something new.

If you are having persisting feelings of sadness and depression. Please seek help. Talk to someone. Anyone. Stop a random cop on the street and tell him you need help. Call 911. Walk into an ER. There are many people who can and will help you if they only know you need help.
If you have someone in your life who is acting strange or out of sorts, transgendered or not, take the time to ask how they are feeling. Find help for them. Do not just let them wallow in their pain. Loved ones not noticing the trouble is one of the gates to suicide.
Blessed Be.

Liberatis Tutui

2007-03-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

Liberatis Tutui
by Raven Usher
It is amazing what the mind chooses to remember and what it forgets. There are points in our lives when we say to ourselves, “This moment will be burned into my mind forever. Surely, I will never forget this day.”
Then we get washed away in the wake of time speeding by us. Things we thought would be with us through the ages fade by the wayside while bits and pieces of trivia set up permanent residence in or minds.
Then there are the things we would like to forget but can not. Things that haunt us. Things that keep bringing the past out of storage and dropping it back in our laps. We all have the things we would like to escape. But we can not escape ourselves.
For transsexuals, the one this we want to escape the most is the gender of our births. We want to erase all traces of it. Not only from our bodies, but from our minds as well. It is one of the hardest mental challenges that face transsexuals.
Too many transsexuals develop a hatred for the person they use to be. Being raised as the wrong gender, they feel, was the source of their current sufferings. In their minds they put out a contract on that person from the past. They try to kill him. They try to wipe his very existence from the face of the earth. They think the “payoff” for the hit is the true gender of their soul. But they are wrong. Dead wrong.
The person of the past is the same person of the present. Just as the baby once carried home from the hospital is the same person as the rebellious teenager of high school. One bares little to no resemblance to the other. They think different. They act different. They look different. But still they are one person. To erase one is to erase both.
It is not an easy thing to do, to come to grips with the person you once were. It takes the healing power of time. It takes the patience to all change to happen. And most importantly, it takes the power of forgiveness.
We have to forgive the genetics of our births. We have to forgive fate and random chance for the cards we were dealt. We have to forgive those who raised us as the gender that presented itself when they changed our diapers. We have to forgive medical institutions that make it so hard to become what we should be. We have to forgive the strangers whose lack of understanding cause them to hate us without reason.
First and foremost, we need to forgive ourselves. Forgive ourselves for the accident of our births, for the fear that condemns us to inaction, for the turmoil we cause in the lives of those around us. We must forgive ourselves for being us.
That may sound harsh. But if we cannot forgive ourselves our pasts we surely will never reconcile our presents mush less build a decent future. Worse yet, if we cannot manage to forgive ourselves for those things we believe to have wronged ourselves with we will end up destroying ourselves in the attempt to destroy the dreaded past.
Don’t let you memories kill you. Liberatis tutui. (Save yourself.)
Blessed be.

TDR - Nov 20

2007-03-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

TDR - Nov 20
by Raven Usher
November 20. Transgender Day of Remembrance.
Violence against transgendered people crosses every line of division you can imagine. For both assailants and victims, trans-violence comes in every race, class and age. It crosses ethnic barriers. It ignores age divisions. It overcomes economic lines. It defies social strata limits.
Victims range in age form infancy to retirement. This year three-year-old Mikey Vallejo-Seiber was murdered by his mother’s boyfriend when the boyfriend tried to toughen the boy up. He wanted the child to be a soldier and not a sissy. Assailants start in the early teens of the junior high school years and continue as long as they can muster the strength to raise a fist.
There are plenty of places to place blame; basic prejudice, inadequate education, fear and panic, insecurity needing a scapegoat, religious condemnation, apathy and inaction form law enforcement, failing to use safe practices and even plain social morays.
Those reasons are all just empty excuses. The things on that list are NOT reasons why trans-violence happens. Those are the reasons why people get away with it. The truth is, transfolk are easy targets for violent people. A violent person are going to find a victim. And the victim is going to be someone who makes the assailant feel good about himself when he does his violence.
How does a heterosexual man prove his manhood? He gets as many women as he can. If he is unsuccessful and gets shot down too often his manhood suffers. This is specially true if the failures are witnessed by his peers. But not getting a date is nothing compared to getting the wrong date.
Getting shot down can be remedied by getting the next girl. But getting a girl who is not really a girl requires more drastic action in the heterosexual male mind. There are four basic ways a straight man can defend his manhood when he thinks he’s been attracted to another guy.
If he is very secure with himself he can laugh at it. Shrug it off and say, “She was still hot.” He will even be able to endure the jokes and taunts of his buddies.
Or he can bury the secret and never let anyone know it happened. Eventually he will even be able to deny it ever happened even to himself. Of course, this only works if nobody else catches on at the time of the encounter.
Sometimes even if no one else notices, the event weighs so heavily on his mind that it creates guilt. Then he needs take more direct action to prove himself a straight man. To do that he goes out and has sex with as many women as he can as fast as he can. He may even resort to raping someone.
When the encounter creates anger instead of guilt, it can only be reconciled by purging the feelings through physical action. In layman’s terms... he has to destroy what “tainted” him. He has to go beat up and/or kill the other person.
It is textbook psychology. Each one of these options indicates a specific level of self security. The less secure he is with himself and his own manhood the more drastic his reaction will have to be in order to counter hurt.
That is the one and only true reason why violence against transgendered people happens. Because heterosexual men are insecure with their own manhood.
So, on November 20, please join me and others across this great nation in paying homage to the transgendered victims of pointless violence. Light a candle. Say a prayer. Let a trans person know you support their right to live.
Blessed Be

Exploiting the Stereotypes

2007-03-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

Exploiting the Stereotypes
by Raven Usher
Everyone has something that is expected of them. When those expectations are generalized and imposed upon a group of similar people they become one of two things; either a societal norm or a stereotype. It is in the gray area where stereotype and societal norm overlap that transsexuals achieve the magic of a passing transition.
For the transsexual, the first part of transitioning is identifying the stereotypes and norms or the gender they aim to achieve. These include: current fashion, hair styles, mannerisms, speech patterns, behavioral dictates and popular body image. Some of these are norms that are flexible and will change time and time again through out the course of our lives. Others are stereotypes that persist regardless of how fervently some people tilt against them.
It is these unwavering stereotypical images that transsexuals exploit to achieve a successful transition. But why? Why strive to achieve stereotyped imagery in a world where so many fight to break down those very barriers?
Because they are unconscious markers of recognition.
The sight of large breasts and round hips triggers an unconscious judgment that the person sporting them is female. The sight of facial hair and broad shoulders are markers of a male. Smooth shaven legs - female. Hairy legs - male. There is a host of these unconscious markers that we, as human beings, key on every day. They influence our impression of other people as well as the way we react to them and act towards them.
Some of these markers are biological. They concern body shape. The soft curves of a woman opposed to the hard lines of a man. To achieve these markers transsexuals subject themselves to years of medications and numerous medical procedures. This is the level that surgical alteration of genitalia comes into play.
Some of these markers are of physical appearance. They concern body image. Long hair, make-up and long painted nails for women opposed to shorter hair, short cropped nails and a face free of colorization for men. To achieve these markers transsexuals need only the patience and will power to allow hair and finger nails to grow and the knowledge of how to make them stylish.
Some of these makers are societal. They concern fashion sense. High heels, skirts and plunging necklines for women opposed to three piece suits and neck ties for men. To achieve these transsexuals only have to keep up with current fashion and have money to go on a few shopping trips.
Some of these markers are behavioral. They concern how a person conducts themselves both in personal presentation and in mannerism. These are the most difficult markers to achieve. Indeed they are the markers that are most often responsible for a transsexual being read. For the average person these markers are unconscious. They are things so subtle that they include the gait at which a person walks.
Go to a public place and watch people’s feet. Men’s feet follow a bi-linear path where women’s feet follow a mono-linear path. This is connected to body shape. The different gaits develop naturally as we learn to walk and our bodies develop. Most people do not even think about it. They just walk.
That is the big trick of a transsexual transition. Thinking about what nobody thinks about. Consciously controlling the little details that everyone else does unconsciously. It is willfully taking on the stereotypes that are imposed upon others and then outwardly presenting reactions to those same stereotypes that mimic the reactions of the people who have the stereotypes imposed upon them.
It is a neat trick. And the way you know it has been pulled off correctly is that no one knows they are seeing it.
Blessed Be

Why Me? The Etiology of Transsexualism

2007-03-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

Why me? The Etiology of Transsexualism
by Raven Usher
Etiology: The science of assigning causes.
I can not count how many times I have heard a distraught transgender person utter the words, “Why me?” Sometimes they say it through a haze of confusion. Sometimes it spills out with a river of tears. Sometimes it is spit at the heavens in anger. It is always a sign of confusion.
So let us attempt to dispel some of the confusion. Why you? Because you were born this way. Do you feel like an X-man yet?
Let us talk about scientificly proven fact first. Every human embryo begins gestation as female. In half of pregnancies, a hormone is introduced during gestation. That hormone causes the embryo to mutate and become male. The body of a fetus develops separately from the nervous system. So this hormone introduction happens twice.
It happens the first time at approximately six weeks of gestation and effects the body. The vaginal opening closes and the clitoris elongates and becomes the penis. (If you look at a man’s scrotal sack you will see a line down the center. That is where the vagina sealed itself shut.) It also effects skeletal structure and body mass placement.
Five or six weeks after that change has been initiated another hormone introduction takes place. This one effects the developing central nervous system. The delay is to accommodate the nervous system’s delay in the beginning of its development. It is like building a house. You can not put up walls until the foundation is solid. The nervous system needs the solid foundation of a physical body before it can begin its own development.
For transgendered people one of those hormonal additions is weak or incomplete. In the case of transsexuals, one of the two do not happen at all. For male to female transsexuals the body gets the signal to change but the nervous system does not. So the body becomes male but the brain remains female. For female to male transsexuals it is just the opposite. The body remains female while the brain changes over.
Those are the scientifically provable facts. What is still unknown is why this happens. There is no evidence that supports any causation for the inconsistency of the mother’s body introducing or not introducing the hormones at the right time. There is plenty of supposition. And some possible causes have been ruled out.
Smoking, drinking alcohol and taking drugs during pregnancy have all been discounted. While these things do cause other birth defects later in gestation, they do not effect the introduction of hormones at such an early stage of fetal development.
The most likely causes, although they have not been proven yet, are conditions that effect the mother and her own hormone levels. These are things like depression, anxiety and high levels of stress. All of these conditions are proven to wreak havoc on a person’s body as well as their mental and emotional states. It is highly likely that if a woman has one of these conditions during the earliest stages of pregnancy, the introduction of developmental hormones could be altered or stopped all together.
The problems with proving any of these theories is the early stage of gestation when the hormone introduction happens and the low prevalence of transsexualism. It would next to impossible to be observing 30,000 developing embryos at six weeks of gestation and again at twelve weeks in the hopes of catching the one occurrence of those hormonal introductions not matching. Most women do not even realize they are pregnant until they are eight to twelve weeks along. By that time, the future has already take root in the present.
So why you? Best guess... Mom was freaking out about something when she got knocked up.
Blessed Be

Courage Under Fire

2007-03-13T09:52:00.000-07:00

Courage Under Fire
by Raven Usher
It never fails. They say it. They mean it as a compliment. But I still get irritated by the misconception.
In truth, I usually do not dispute the misconception. I simply smile and thank the person for the compliment and console my desire to correct them by reminding myself of their wonderful display of admiration. That is the important part of it, after all. That they are showing acceptance and support for a transgendered person.
As much as I like to see an average person, gay or straight, expressing acceptance for a transgendered person, I am still bothered by the misunderstanding of the driving force behind transition. I like getting compliments. I like the fact that others are inspired to offer compliments. But the truth seeker in me pains at the compliment coming from source that is not entirely accurate.
Sooner or later the people who get to know me will invariably say something along the lines of, “I really admire your courage.”
They are referring to my transition. This comment comes at a time when they have grown comfortable enough to ask me specific questions about what transition entails. They learn about the hardships, the prejudices, and the personal and financial costs of it all. For some reason people think that going through it in Idaho makes it even harder. I have not figured that logic out yet, but I am working on it. They calculate it all in their heads and imagine having to face the same or similar obstacles in their own lives. The prospect seems overwhelming to them and they make the assumption that I possess an excessive level of bravery.
It is a phenomenon that is not unique to just me. Other trannies get it as well. I have traded stories with many of my t-gurl friends and they are all very similar. In all fairness, I have to say that I do understand that point of view. And I find people’s ability to admire a transgendered person for any reason to be a sign of better times to come. It is a signal of hope. It is a promise of a future.
Still though, it is a misconception. My transition has absolutely nothing to do with courage. I did not shine up my armor, ready my sword and shield and head out to slay the dragon of intolerance. Quite the contrary. I slinked and crawled through shadows, avoiding as much as I could for as long as I could.
It was not my bravery that started me on the path of transition. It was my fear. My fear of living a lie. My fear of never being whole. My fear of dieing by my own hand.
I did not bravely face a year of androgyny. I did my best to camouflage it and keep it hidden. I did not bravely declare my transsexuality to the world. I put off those conversations until the people who love me cornered me and forced me to talk. I did not bravely go forth and fight to become a woman. I did it because my only other choice was death. And no, I was not fighting death. I was running from it.
I have gotten over most of those fears. I have learned enough and accomplished enough that I can stand tall and face the intolerance, the hatred and the discrimination. I have grown strong enough to fight back. I have built up the courage to meet the onslaught head-on. In short, I have become the person that so many others have mistaken me for when all this craziness started.
Or...
I could be completely wrong about the whole situation. Maybe they are all right and I did show courage. Maybe my point of view keeps me from seeing it that way. Maybe courage can only be seen by those who witness it and not by those who perpetrate it.
When I was a Marine a Drill Instructor once told me, “Heroes do not set out to become heroes. They are made heroes by acting when all others lay down.”
I was afraid. I hid in shadows. I even ran away. But I never laid down. So maybe they are right and I was brave. Still though, I never felt brave about it. Not then. Not now. And I still have trouble accepting that compliment.
Blessed Be.

Communities in the Cross Hairs

2007-03-13T09:51:00.000-07:00

Communities in the Cross Hairs
by Raven Usher
I have a neighbor who is a Navy wife. Her husband is out on ship and she is at home with her young son. I have another neighbor who is a stay-at-home mom with two young kids. Another is a Grandfather who has taken in his divorced daughter and grand children. Then there is a pair of dincs (double income no children). A family of Bosnian immigrants are living the American dream on the corner. There is a retired couple across the street. Three doors over is the mother and stepfather of the teenager my daughter calls her best friend. And there is a mixed race couple who’s daughter I make sure gets home every day after school.
It is truly a neighborhood of diversity. All the kids play together. They make the neighborhood rounds. One day they are at my place climbing the huge poplar tree or playing on the swing set out back. Then they are at Sam’s place on the trampoline. Or at Luke’s house watching DVD’s. They ride their bikes together. They play at the neighborhood park together. They go to school together.
The adults watch all the kids. We hand out drinks and snacks when the stampede ends up at our corner of Sesame Street. Even the dincs hand out juice boxes. We are friendly and amicable with each other. We even trade plates full of home made cookies from time to time.
As editor, I am constantly bombarded with the worst news of the LGBT community. I am the first see or hear the stories of injustice against gays and lesbians. I shuffle through them deciding which ones to pass on to the readers and which ones to let go. It can be a lot to deal with. There are times when the burden of so much knowledge of hardship becomes overwhelming. My stress soars. My spirits fall. My outlook of the world threatens to become jaded and I my urge to strike out at faceless shadows of oppression boils. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I get depressed. Sometimes I want to quit.
Politicians rant daily about how gays and lesbians destroy American family values while they get arrested for misusing government resources and driving drunk. They pontificate about defending hypothetical institutions like marriage while they strip money away from real life institutions like schools. They totally ignore the moral codes of the religious doctrines they use to justify their hate-lined prejudice. They sacrifice the true goal of their jobs, securing equal human rights for everyone, so they can turn a government temp job into long lasting political career. Even when we vote for things like term limits, they ignore our collective voices and stick to their self-serving rhetoric.
When the fiction of real life politics gets to me I have an escape. I go out front, sit on the veranda with a cold glass of iced tea and look out on my little neighborhood. I wave to neighbors. I smile at playing children. I might even tease the neighborhood men by putting on a bikini top & washing my car. (I am not completely sure, but I think that may be teasing the Navy wife too.) It is my proof that the hate-mongers are wrong. It is the evidence that shows that they need to demonize a scapegoat and LGBT people are the easiest target at the moment.
The family values of my American neighborhood are in tact and as strong as ever. The average middle classers in this suburban community are friendly and accepting of a multitude of diverse people. The immigrants, the military family, the people of color, the retired seniors, the Goth teenagers, the career chasers, the home makers and the children of all ages live in peace and harmony together. Even the house with the two moms is accepted as one of the whole.
This is the true cross section of America. It is what we should be trying to achieve. One nation standing together united. Not chasing division and forcing barriers against people who have a degree of difference. It is what the politicians have lost sight of. It is what they ignore so they can earn the votes of hatred to stay in office. It is the truth that stands against the lie that they build their counterfeit careers upon.
We vote soon. It is time to take the bad people out of office. The new century deserves new attitudes and new leaders.
Blessed Be

Man I Feel Like a Woman

2007-03-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

Man I Feel Like a Woman
by: Raven Usher
Being female (biologically or engineered) and being feminine do not always go hand in hand. The gap between the Timberline boots and the stiletto heels can be a gapping chasm or a subtle bump in the road. Feeling female inside does not guarantee an outward presentation of femininity. Looking like a Angelina Jolie may not stop you from feeling like Joe Pesci or vice versa.
One of the reasons for the gap between “female” and “feminine” is that there are no hard and fast rules to being either one. You do not even have to be both. You can pick just one and run with it or you can try to balance the two. The internal self perception of them does not even have to match outward presentation. It can be quite the circus act.
Some women have a natural balance. They do not encounter anything that makes them question their femininity or the physical condition of being female. They are comfortable in their bodies and at peace with their own self image.
Some women, while thoroughly enjoying being female, have issues with the presentation of femininity that is expected of them. Some say the societal norms that demand women wear skirts, heels and make-up to “fit in” is unjust. They rail against these age-old stereotypes both in their manner of dress and in their refusal to conform to traditional personal and business roles that women were once pigeon-holed into.
On the other side of that coin are the women who want to become the Hollywood ideal of feminine expression. They subscribe to the more classical images of beauty and strive to achieve those benchmarks. They enjoy the pretty clothes, the variety of shoe styles and the artistry that can go into applying make-up.
The common denominator of these very contrasting women is idea that regardless of how they present the image of femininity, being female is the bomb. Should anyone be so unenlightened or ill-fated as to try using their femininity as an excuse to block them from their personal goals, he will not just have that one woman on his neck. He will be the target of a maelstrom of women that would make a swarm of bees seem warm and inviting.
Then there are those whose conflict is not with the presentation of femininity but with the physical being of the female form. Some view being female as a privilege they are denied. Others see it as a curse they cannot escape. These are the people who are on the front lines of the war of womanhood.
They have not achieved the right to equal pay in the workplace because they have not achieved the right to be themselves. They have not reached the hallmarks of admiration of their beauty because of the prejudices that call their very existence ugly. They do not have the right to marry because in some areas they do not even have the right to breath.
As long as I can remember I have felt feminine. As a child I was often accused by other kids of displaying a misplaced girlish appearance or mannerism. Even during the height of my presentation of masculinity as a U.S. Marine my internal pull to all things feminine retained a strong grip on my psyche.
My endeavor to acquire the “female” that matches and balances my “feminine” has been the saving grace of my life. It is a journey I still endure. I know that even when I reach my ultimate goal of having the physical female form I covet, it will be a mere shadow of the femininity that prevails in my heart. When my citizenship to the female world is finally granted, I will still be but an immigrant to the land of which I have always dreamed. There will always be a part of me that is a stranger. There will always be the ties to my origin.
I will revel in it all! No regrets. No sorrow. No apologies.
Blessed Be.

$hemale Value$

2007-03-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

$hemale Value$
by Raven Usher
Everyone who says they do not like sex, stand up and tell your lie now!
It is not uncommon for a transperson to get involved in the sex trades in one fashion or another. Being trans can be very expensive. The sex trades are lucrative, paying well above the average American wage. They are easily accessible to clientele. It is easy to find employment. And most importantly, the sex trades are the most accepting and inclusive employment industry in the nation for “shemales.”
I know, so many transpeople do not like that word. They think “shemale” is a dirty word and take offence to it being use to referred to them. My thoughts... get over yourselves. It is just a word.
Finding work in main-stream America can be difficult for transfolk. As I write this, my best friend is at her very first day on her very first job as a woman. It took her six months to find the job. It is part time, the hours suck and the pay is low. And she is excited as hell to have it. I am excited for her.
Her story is not original. So many other trannies have been, or will be, in her shoes. She was lucky enough to be able to survive six months without working. Most Americans can not. Some would have trouble lasting six weeks. That is why shemales turn to the sex industry. We become phone sex workers, nude models, exotic dancers, escorts, porn stars and prostitutes. Some do it because they like it. Some just need a job now. Some do not have any other options.
Most career sex workers actually get a sense of power doing their jobs. The ability to get another person to fork over handfuls of cash in exchange for intimate interactions is a serious ego boost. Think about it. There are literally thousands of people out there in the singles bars trying to give it away for free and the sex workers are getting money for it. So if you think sex workers do it because of low self esteem or that the clients are too ugly to get intimacy any other way, you are dead wrong. Being a sex worker takes a strong will, high self esteem and a thick skin.
Selling sex is the world’s oldest profession. Until recently (in the last three or four hundred years), it was an honorable and respected profession. No man got married without first learning the ropes from a pro. Wives were grateful that there was a place for their husbands to go to slake their lust. Bordellos drew sailors and other travelers by the score to otherwise unknown towns and set the foundation of economic existence for the entire community. All that bleached blonde hair that is so popular today originated in ancient Rome. It was the professional banner of prostitutes.
Before some politically correct nut-job goes off in a tizzy...
No, I am not suggesting that all trannies should go find employment in the sex industry. Quite the opposite, in fact. Most of the transfolk that I know do not have the emotional fortitude to deal with the brutal demands of the trade. Sorry gurls and bois. Be offended if you want to be. But it is the truth. As a group, you have some delicate psyches.
For the ones who can take it, I say look into your options. If you have the body to be on stage, learn to dance with a pole. If the camera likes you, get some lingerie and find a professional photographer. If you like being watched, find a film crew. If you have a voice that melts butter, put your phone to work. Take it to the limit. Go as far as you can safely go without breaking the law. The sex industry actually reveres shemales. They are a rare, exotic and desired commodities that draw in big dollars.
Trans people have value. We have value as human beings. We have value as members of society. We have value as friends and lovers. We have value as parents, siblings, sons and daughters. We have value as employees and wage earners. We have value as the individual survivors of a harsh existence. We have value as a community come together fighting for our right to live. We have the value of our own self worth.
How much are you worth? An unemployment benefit? Minimum wage? A dead-end paycheck?
My life is worth the well being of my children and the love of my wife.
My voice is worth the civil liberties of you all.
My wage is worth $2.00 per minute.
Want the number?
Blessed Be!

Pinocchio's Sister

2007-03-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

Pinocchio’s Sister
By Raven Usher
Transsexuals are not the only people who endure hormone therapy. There are a lot of reasons why someone might start a hormone therapy regiment. Older women take estrogen to relieve the symptoms of menopause. Younger women take it after having a hysterectomy to stave off early menopause. Men often take testosterone after having their testicles removed as a treatment for testicular cancer. And that special stuff that grows hair… loaded with testosterone. And there are plenty more reasons.
One thing that everyone who goes through hormone therapy has in common is that we all focus mainly on the physical aspects of taking them. We think about the benefits that get us what we want. To a lesser extent, we think about the possible side effects and health risks. One thing that we never really think about, or do not understand fully, is the effect hormones have on our emotional states.
Hormones have a profound effect on our emotions. When we first start taking hormones it sets our emotional states completely off kilter. It takes months to regain an emotional equilibrium. And even then, we end up with a whole new emotional balance. Love, sorrow, anger, fear… we feel them all differently than we did before hormone therapy. They are stronger, more intense.
Yes, you feel like a fool when you burst into tears watching a car insurance commercial. And the looks you get at the service counter when you enthusiastically cash in your $2 scratch off ticket can be irritating. So irritating that by the time you get to the parking lot you are so angry at all those morons who were judging you that you want to drive your brand new SUV through those ugly glass doors and run down every one of those jealousy laden wish-they-were-you losers!
OK, so hormones make you a lot more sensitive.
The point is, that it is not a bad thing. Being able to feel your emotions more in a more intense way does shake you up at first. But once you adjust, it is a wonderful thing. Yes I cry at the occasional greeting card. But it feels good to express those emotions and it gives me an excuse to wander down that isle. And yes, I have the occasional mood swing that would make a pregnant woman stare in disbelief. But when everything swings back into place they can provide a good laugh.
I began taking hormones for the completely selfish reason of achieving their physical effects on my body. I have fully accepted the risks of taking them. I endure the unpleasant side effects they cause such as hot flashes that allow me to pop a pan of jiffy pop just by holding it. And I exalt in the unexpected benefits that make my life better on every level.
Sometimes I become awash in the uncontrollable emotional earthquake of an irrational mood swing. Sometimes the tears flow like flood water from a cloudless sky. Sometimes I feel like Pinocchio’s little wooden sister begging some starlight fairy to please let me be a real girl. But even when all that happens, I know deep I my heart that I have done the right thing by starting hormone therapy.
I know I did the right thing because the good emotions are amplified as well. The love I feel for my kids is heightened. The joy I share with my wife is more enveloping. The bond between myself and my parents is closer and stronger. The satisfaction I get when the new issue of Diversity hit’s the stands fills me more. And the peace I have found with myself continues to grow.
I am not, by any means, suggesting that anyone should run out and start a hormone regiment just for their emotional effect. Hormone therapy can be dangerous. Anyone who has a valid reason to take them needs to consult with a doctor to assess the risks to personal health. But you should not be afraid of them either. Taking hormones is the best thing I have ever done for myself.
We all have to decide for ourselves what the best path in life is for us. If hormones are part of your path, be smart about them. Consult a doctor. Be aware of the risks. And enjoy what they do for you. I sure as hell do.
Blessed Be

Return to Sender

2007-03-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

Return to Sender
by Raven Usher
Well, it finally happened. After over 4 years of hormones, doctor visits, court dates and enough drama to fill an entire season of some television drama, it finally happened. I lost a family member over being transgendered.
The prospect of losing friends and family members is not specific to transgendered individuals. It is something that every member of the LGBT community has to face when they come out of the closet. Nearly all of us lose someone. For the lucky ones it will be an extended family member like an aunt or an uncle who they only see once or twice a year anyway. If your luck wanes a bit you might lose someone a little closer, a friend or a grand parent. The really unlucky ones lose best friends, siblings and parents.
Of course there are two sides to this coin. Quite often coming out and sharing such a deeply personal aspect of your life draws you closer to another person. When I sent out the announcements that I had changed my name, my Aunt Christine called to congratulate me. We became closer than we had ever been before. She even attended my wedding in Las Vegas last May. At the family Christmas gathering, my brother’s fiance and I got along great and I can see her becoming the sister I never had.
That is the shiny side of the coin. We do not hear about the shiny side simply because it does need any maintenance. It is the tarnished side of the coin that gets the attention. I think too much attention. We should spend more time and energy maintaining the polish on the shiny side. That is where we will find the rewards. That is the side that will make us happy.
The tarnished side of the coin is corroded because it is forever in the mud, grime and darkness. It is face down in the dirt. And it shelters the growth of slime and other icky things. The unfortunate aspect of slime is that it likes being slime. There is no amount of light or cleanser that will turn it into anything other than slime. Instead of trying to save the slime we should just scrape it off, toss it aside, and let it go somewhere else to be slime. Then we can concentrate on polishing as much of the coin as we are able.
My coin has stayed fairly well polished. It got tarnished in a few places along the way. But I have managed to polish most of dull spots. Sometimes it took a hell of a lot of elbow grease to get it done. But nothing worth while is easy.
The family member who cut ties with me is my Uncle Greg. He is my dad’s brother. He is one of those ultra-conservative far right-wing bible thumping self-appointed vessel of God’s judgment that makes life so interesting for the LGBT community. The judgment he passed on me is the same as the judgment he passed on my Aunt Christine, his sister. I have not actually laid eyes on Uncle Greg since I was about 15 years old. So it was not a huge loss. It still hurt though. What hurt the most was the way he did it. A letter or phone call explaining his views and feelings I could have respected. That show of integrity would have been an act or honor that I would be able to honor in return.
History has shown us that the religious right is neither honorable nor respectful. Uncle Greg displayed that dishonorable disrespect in grand fashion. He sent the Christmas card I sent him back to me. It was unopened and had “return to sender” scribbled across the front.
I do not bear Uncle Greg any ill will. I am trying not to at least . It is not easy when he is so blatant in his hatred of family members. Such cruel actions, specially towards his own sister, are hard to forgive. And using religion to justify harmful actions is despicable. I hope Uncle Greg is happy in the life he has created for himself. Although I can not imagine how anyone can be happy in a world built on bigotry and hatred.
Blessed Be.

The Truth in Having Fun

2007-03-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

The Truth in Having Fun
by Raven Usher
I was watching a brand new episode of one of my favorite irreverent comedies when one of the main characters turned to another and said, “It’s fun being me. Is it fun being you?”
“Yes it is,” came the reply.
I know that I was only watching a sit-com. It is just a television show designed to entertain and make me laugh. Profound thought is not the goal of sit-coms. Yet, in humor we find many of the truths in life.
Is it fun being you? I find that to be a deeply profound question that threatens with answers that could have a deep effect on every aspect of personal living. A “yes” answer will heighten your joy and be quite a boost to your self esteem. A “no” answer will lead to introspection and prompt you to think about the changes you can make so that you can answer yes.
Is it fun being Raven Usher?
Well now... there is a question. On one hand, I have a rather easy life. My wife provides for all my financial cares. I get to spend the majority my days with my children. I have friends. I have hobbies that fulfill me. And I know that I am truly loved.
On the other hand, my wife’s career takes her on many out-of-state business trips that leave me alone for long periods of time. My youngest child has started school and the house feels oppressive to me when it is empty. I have responsibilities that make hard demands on my time and energy. And I know that by living as a transsexual I am a target for hatred and violence.
These are the realities of Raven’s World.
It is quite a balancing act. But if you take stock of your own lives, I am sure you will come up with similar off-setting aspects. The trick to the balancing act is to minimize the negatives while maximizing the positives. (No this is not a marketing lecture.)
Yes I am a target for hatred, but I counter that by targeting hatred right back. I speak out against it. I draw it into the light where it can be seen in all its ugliness. I combat hatred in any way I am able. As far as violence goes... I am an ex-marine. Bring it on if you feel strong.
I do not, will not, live my life in fear despite having reasons to do so. Why? They are stupid reasons that do not deserve my attention. Just because someone wants me to be scared or feel bad does not mean I am going to do it. Someone wants to send me a hate e-mail? Fine. I am going to publish his e-mail address. And I am going to laugh about it! That is the kind of bitch I am.
The truth is, I enjoy my life. I enjoy being a kept woman. I enjoy the time I have with my kids. I enjoy the pastimes I have when my kids are away from me. I enjoy living up to my responsibilities. I enjoy standing up, standing out and being seen so that everyone knows that I and other people like me exist. And I really enjoy screwing with, and laughing at, the morons who think their little-brained hatred can cause me any kind of discomfort what so ever.
Back to answer Denny Crane’s question. “Is it fun being you?”
Yes! It is a hell of a lot of fun being me.
Now go out and make it fun to be you. I know you can do it. And that is the truth. No joke.
Blessed Be.

Nov 20 - TG Day of Remembrance

2007-03-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

Nov 20 - TG Day of Remembrance
by Raven Usher
Every November I write an article about the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Held on Nov. 20, it is a day that has been set aside for the LGBT community to remember and pay homage to the men and women who have lost their lives at the hands of violence for being who they are; for being transgendered. The yearly average of transgender murder is nearly 13 per year. That may not sound like a lot. But let us look at the numbers more closely.
Robert Binenfeld, Location: Monroe, NY, Cause of Death: Strangled by Jason Bardsley.
Felicia Moreno, Location: Hollywood, CA, Cause of Death: Shot twice by Patrick Edward Vallor, an active-duty U.S. Marine lance corporal.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau there are approx. 297,265,590 people in the United States. At a capita of 1 in 30,000 for male to female and 1 in 100,000 for female to male, the population of transgendered people in America is approx. 12,880. (9,908 M-F & 2,972 F-M) That means .11% of the TG population is being murdered every year simply because they are transgendered.
Ryan Shey Hoskie, Location: Albuquerque, NM, Cause of Death: Undetermined; body did show signs of upper body trauma.
Ronnie Paris, Jr., Location: Tampa, FL, Cause of Death: Beaten by his father, Ronnie Paris, Sr.
Still does not sound like a lot? Consider this. If .11% of African Americans were being murdered each year simply because they were black, 394 people would die every year from that violence. Racially motivated murder was not that high even during the height of the civil rights movement of the 1950’s and 60’s. What would Dr. King think about those numbers?
Eddie Chung Chou Lee, Location: Daly City, CA, Cause of Death: Multiple stab wounds.
Ashley Nickson, Location: Dothan, AL, Cause of Death: Shot multiple times.
I will admit I have never done any serious research about Dr. King and his ideologies, but I do understand what he was trying to accomplish. I also understand his passion and his willingness to stick his neck out for others who faced the same obstacles that he did. Knowing that, I am willing to venture the guess that he would be as upset with those numbers as I am, if not more. And I know for certain that he would not keep quiet about his outrage.
Amancio Corrales, Location: Yuma, AZ, Cause of Death: Violent trauma.
Julio Argueta, Location: Miami, FL, Cause of Death: Stabbed twelve times, allegedly by John Valdespino.
I do not scream and yell as loud as some people. I do not have access to national coverage that reaches millions of people across the nation. There are no news crews clamoring to catch my every word. In fact, when I do speak out, I am not always sure if anyone is listening to, or even hearing, what I say. There are times when I want to quit; when I think my time and effort is being wasted.
Timothy Blair, Jr., Location: Louisville, KY, Cause of Death: Shot multiple times.
Sometimes I feel as if taking the time every year to publicize the names of the victims of trans-hatred driven violence is not paying them the honor that I intend. But I am not going to stop doing it. I do not know if I really owe these fallen people anything at all. I do not know if I am doing any good by saying a prayer for them every time I read their names.
Kasha Blue, Location: Chicago, IL, Cause of Death: Stabbed.
What I do know is that I will continue this as long as I can. Months. Years. Decades. There is a ghost that hovers around my head constantly telling me that the louder I speak up the less time I will have; that if I do not shut up, I am going to end up on my own list. But you know what? It is a fair trade.
R.I.P.
Blessed Be

Coming Out for Dummies

2007-03-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

Coming Out for Dummies
(revision 2005)
by Raven Usher
Coming out of the closet is not a one-time event. It is an on-going process that can take a great deal of time and effort. True, you can make the “grand announcement” at some family gathering, spinning everyone you know into a whole new dimension of drama and gossip. But unless you are going for some sort of twisted revenge plot, that really is not the best way to go about telling the people you love that you are gay, lesbian or transgendered.
The best way to come out is to take the feelings of others into account and do what is in your power to lessen any possible hurt. You may be perfectly comfortable with your own sexuality but do not assume that your own comfort implies the comfort of others. Despite what many angry activists demand, it is not anyone’s responsibility to be accepting of homosexuality. It is your responsibility to present yourself in an honest, respectable and forthright manner so they have the opportunity to be accepting.
Shoving something down someone’s throat is not a good way to get them to be receptive. It is better to use a feather instead of a rock to deliver news of this sort. Luckily, we do not have to suffer through an endless 12-step program to do so. We only have six steps. And depending on your courage, they can go rather quickly.
Step one: Choose who to tell.
Part of why coming out can be so scary is that we consider trying to tell everyone we know at one time. That prospect is usually so overwhelming that it discourages us before we even have a chance to make a decent start. We give up and try to put off the inevitable.
Instead, we should tell those we love one or two at a time. It will be easier for them. It will be easier on you. Make a list of all the people you need to tell. Prioritize them in an order that lists the most understanding , accepting person first and the most homophobic, least accepting person last.
With every person you tell you will gain comfort and confidence in your ability to do it. By starting with the most understanding person you lessen the initial shock on yourself and you increase your chances of building a cushion of support. By doing this, when you get to the last, least understanding person you will have gained the experience you will need to face their disapproval.
Step two: Choose the medium of communication.
Coming out in person is the best way to go about revealing yourself. Not everyone is comfortable talking face to face, though. Sometimes distance and time make a face to face conversation impossible. Luckily, in today’s communication driven world we have a number of mediums at our disposal.
If they cannot see your face, try to let them hear your voice. Your sincerity is conveyed in the tones and inflections of your voice. Your concern for their welfare will show in your speech. And the personal expression of taking your time to talk to them will also help ease woes.
The trick is to find the method of communication that is the most effective for you. Do not be afraid to come out in a letter or e-mail. The written word is a reliable way to make sure that you are saying the right thing in the right way. Do remember that you are sharing an intimate part of yourself. A hand written letter is much more personal than an e-mail.
Step three: Ask permission to confide.
You have a burden. It is the burden of secrecy. You are about to ask another person to relieve you of that burden. Just dropping such a burden in their lap without warning is completely inconsiderate.
Tell the person that you have a very serious matter you need to talk about and ask them for their permission to confide in them. This accomplishes two things. It will set the tone for a serious conversation. And it will give them the opportunity to brace themselves for your news.
Step four: Come out!
The best way to come out is to use as few words as you can. Do not try to sugar coat things. Do not get poetic and lyrical. Do not drone on about series of events that brought you to the moment. Just say the words. Be precise. Be direct. Be honest.
“Mom, I’m gay.”
Once you say the words, shut up! Do not add background information. Do not offer an explanation of any kind. Sit there and keep your teeth together. Waite for their reaction before you do anything else.
Step five: Offer to answers questions.
After they have supported you by allowing you to share your news, it is time for you to support them and help them try to understand what they have just been told. Offer to answer any and all questions. Whether the questions come up right then or a week or a year later, you must answer them with complete honesty no matter how personal the question may be.
By coming out to this person, you have begun to share your life with them. You will, for a while at least, need to continue to share. If mom asks about your sex life, tell her. If dad asks you some stereotypical panic question, reassure him. You can not, you must not, tell someone you are gay, lesbian or transgendered and then refuse them any further information.
Step six: Saying thank you.
Regardless of the reaction you get, good or bad, the person you just came out to did you a huge favor. It may be the biggest favor that they have ever done for anyone. That requires thanks on your part.
Even if they scream, damn you to perdition and throw you out, they deserve your thanks. They may not want it any more than they want the knowledge of your sexuality. But that should not stop you from offering it. Even if you have to scream your thanks through a closed door from the sidewalk out front, do it.
Saying “thank you” is as much for you as it is for them. It is your closure. It is the confirmation that you have done what you needed to do for your own well being. No matter what becomes of the relationship with the other person, whether it gets stronger and continues or withers away to nothing, you will always know that you did everything in your power to make peace.
That is what coming out is all about. Making peace. Peace with yourself. Peace with those you love. Peace with the world.
Say “thank you” to them, to yourself, and to what ever higher power you subscribe to. It is your pathway to happiness.
Blessed Be.
And thank you for reading.

A World of Firsts

2007-03-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

A World of Firsts
by Raven Usher
One of my favorite old sayings is, “There is a first time for everything.” I wonder who said that for the first time?
For kids there are a lot of firsts. It is just the nature of growing up. First step, first word, first day of school, fist time swimming. Once we get to a certain age we start thinking our firsts are all behind us. What a mistake that is! There is no ending to the firsts. They keep on coming and coming.
Of course we all have different numbers of firsts as adults depending on how we have chosen to live our lives. Some people choose a path that keeps them to themselves, secure in the familiarity of an established routine that rarely varies into the unknown of first times. Some people choose paths of excitement where they go out of their way to seek out all the excitement and thrills of as many first times that they can find. Then there are those of us who’s path in life meanders through a forest of first times giving us no choice but to face them.
The transgender life has a myriad of first times that I never anticipated and it seems that the fates exalt in springing them on me. I do have to admit. They certainly do keep life from getting boring.
When we reach adulthood we fool ourselves into thinking that the majority of our first times have been experienced. For the average person that may be well and true. But I am constantly surprised at the every-day mundane occurrences that pop up offering me a new first time. The ironic part of it is that many of them are my second shot at a first time.
I know what you are thinking. “How can I have a second first time at something?”
That is a simple answer. I am getting a whole new set of first times with my new life as a girl. As a boy, I went through the world hungrily experiencing all the firsts times I could find. Now as a girl, all those first times are ahead of me once again.
When I finally saved my own life by making the decision to transition, the last thing on my mind was all the things I would have to do for the first time again. As a matter of fact, there was no way I could have possibly consider them all. Some were not the least bit surprising. The first time going out in public, the first piece of official identification, the first doctor’s appointment, using a public restroom; all these kinds of things are easy to anticipate.
It is the little things that catch me by surprise: The first time a store clerk called me “Ma’am.” The first time I noticed that my breasts cast their own shadow. The first time a man stepped back and allowed me to go ahead of him in a line. The first time I had a conversation with someone who could not manage to continuously look me in the face.
On the first weekend in August it was the first time I walked up the bank of the Boise river into Anne Morrison park... wearing a bikini. Actually it was the first time I wore one of my bikinis in ANY public forum. I was wearing shorts and a tank top shirt when I went into the water. I was not nearly so covered when I got out. I had been having so much fun playing in the water that I did not think about walking through a crowded public park until I was a good fifty yards into the middle of it.
I am quite use to people, especially men, helping themselves to an eyeful of my wares. I particularly enjoy it when a passing admirer stumbles over his own feet or runs his grocery cart head-long into an end cap. But as provocative as my manner of dress tends to lean, I am never as uncovered as that bikini left me. It is so easy to feel naked when you practically are.
Of course no one was watching me (aside from the young admirers who had made a sport out of watching all of the women coming out of the river). I had a momentary urge to dive back into my other clothes. I shook it off and went about my business in the park. I even played a game of tag with my kids.
By the time I was in the car and on my way back home, I was feeling pretty damn proud of myself. Being that exposed in a place with that many people was one hell of a first time! I made it through with a smile and some laughs and I ultimately had a pretty good day in the park.
The point is, my dears, that we cannot allow our fear of new things allow us to let those all important first times go by without experiencing them. Yes, it can be scary. The unknown and unexpected often are. But what is life without a little excitement now and then? It would barely be worth living.
Blessed Be

1-800-Get-A-Job

2007-03-13T09:28:00.000-07:00

1-800-Get-A-Job
by Raven Usher
In April’s edition of “Raven’s World,” I briefly explored the idea of re-entering the work force. It has been an intimidating prospect. After more than five years of staying home with the kids, my comfort zone has changed dramatically. As a housewife I do not have to answer to supervisor. I am my own boss. I do not have to watch a time clock. I do my chores when I want to and if I decide to let it slide for a day it does not matter. I am the boss and all the people here do it my way.
More than that, being a housewife has given me a refuge from bigotry, discrimination and random acts of hatred. I have been exceedingly lucky that I did not have the extra added stress of transitioning on the job. No matter how inclusive and protective an employer’s corporate policies are, the hardships of a workplace transition are going to happen.
Supervisors who have a personal problem with a TG employee may get even more unreasonable when they do not have the option of getting rid of the employee and make the work environment inhospitable. Other employees are going to express their opinions in ways that make it uncomfortable to work alongside them. During the androgyny stage of transition the customers will notice and react, possibly effecting the employee’s ability to perform the job productively. Any of these, and countless more, can be used in underhanded tactics to get rid of the TG employee.
I have also been very lucky in that my wife has a career that allows the household to operate without a second source of income. I did not have to face workplace hardships against my will because I was dependant on the cash flow. That was a HUGE deal. Being transgendered can be very expensive. The loss of a job can be a huge setback in the transition time frame not to mention the havoc it can wreak on living conditions and personal finances.
I did put in one application merely for the sheer fun of it. I just wanted to be able to say that I did it. I went down and put in an application as a Hooter’s Girl. I never heard back from them. But since I do not have any waitress experience at all, that did not come as a surprise. Who knows? Maybe in another year I will try again. Would that not be too funny if I got that position?
The truth is, I am glad I did not get that job. Besides having not wanting to contend with punching a clock, I did not think that such a fast-paced, high stress job would be right for my first job back in the work force. Working with the general public was not a concern. I have always been good at dealing with people. But the “hurry-up faster” pace of working at a restaurant would be overwhelming.
So... what I was looking for was a slower paced job that would allow me to set my own schedule and let me to work independently in an environment that made me feel comfortable. Does that sound like a tall order?
Well, it was.
I do not know how many times I have thanks the Gods for the internet. It really is a TG’s best friend. It helped me find friends and support groups, information on meds and treatments, doctors and services, apparel and shoes... everything. I freaking love the internet!
Now, once again, the internet has provided me with the solution I needed. I have found, applied for and accepted a job. I set my own schedule. I am my own supervisor. I work in a place where I am completely comfortable. The other employees have already become friends. The customers are happy with my service. And the company if fully accepting and supportive of me being transsexual. I have hit the honey pot!
It is a customer service job. I work on-line and with a telephone. And I do it from the comfort of my own home. I post advertisements on line to draw customers to the business. Then when the customers finds what they like, they call a toll-free number. Their calls are routed to me and I process their orders. It is so simple I can not believe they pay me to do it. I have gotten very lucky in yet another step of my transition process.
The point is that there are accepting and supportive companies out there where a TG can find gainful employment. All you have to do is look for them. Do not let the fear of losing a job interfere you living a happy, healthy life. Yes, the search may be more difficult than most. But that is the pure essence of transgendered life. More difficult, yes. But also more rewarding.
So work, earn and be productive. The world is out there for the taking. Reach out and grab your piece.
Blessed Be.

Reading Between the Lines

2007-03-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

Reading Between the Lines
by Raven Usher
Every transgendered person who ventures out into public while displaying an outward image of their gender dysphoria faces the prospect of being read. Being “read” is when we are recognized as gender other than what we are trying to display. It does not matter how well we pass or how often we pull it off. Sooner or later, we will be read. It is inevitable. Someone somewhere is going to be able to tell.
Any transgender, M to F or F to M, who considers being viewed publicly has to come to terms with the idea of being read. It is a fact of tranny life. Ironically, being read is not the unnerving thing. What scares TG’s the most is not knowing how that person who reads us is going to react. Will they be accepting? Will they ignore us? Will they spout off disparaging insults? Will they be violent?
Another huge concern is where will we be when we are read. Having it happen in a crowded mall is a minor concern. It is easy to get lost in a crowd that big. And the chances of someone getting violent with that many people around is extremely low. Being read in a half empty dark parking lot on they way back to your car after an evening at the club is a truly terrifying thought. That is why you do not typically see trannies closing down the bars.
It never fails to surprise me about where I am when I get read or who it is that recognizes me. Most of the time it is other women who read me. Women have the eye for a “true” female form instead of the Playboy Bunny ideal that men foster. Women will also look beyond deep cleavage and shapely legs to observe body language and mannerisms. The funny part is that they never read me when I am doing stereotypical female activities. They do not spot me when I am shopping for groceries, getting my hair done, or in a form fitting bathing suit while swimming at the YMCA. I get read at the hardware store buying home repair items or at the firing range popping off a few rounds.
Another large portion of the people who read me are children. Kids have that wonderful ability to look at the world without the prejudice or peer pressure of societal expectations. They can see the fairies in the garden and friendly ghosts that play with them when the adults are too busy. So why would they not see me? A child’s world is one of endless possibilities and seeing me for what I use to be is not a big jump from that point of view.
Then there are the men. I never expect men to read me because they simply do not do it. I do not know why that is for sure. Maybe they can not get past my breasts. Maybe they just do not want to. Maybe the image of the ideal female form clouds their vision. Or maybe (what I think is most likely) men have been bombarded from every area of life their whole lives with images of women as sexual conquests that they do not possess the instinct to look past a girl’s body and the possible pleasures it affords.
Men do read me from time to time. The last time a man read me, I was in line at the pharmacy. Two men with the remains of a day at a construction site on them were in line as well. As I stood waiting for the pharmacist to fill my prescription, I heard them discussing me. Or more accurately, my body. They liked what they were viewing. After a few minutes of their admiration, I proceeded to the counter to pick up my RX. Doing so I must have turned or walked in some way that gave me away. As I signed for my meds, I heard one of them say, “Hey, I think that might be a guy.”
Not being able to predict how a man will react to that news, I paused in what I was doing and listened closely for his companion’s reply. It was a reply that made me feel good and still makes me giggle when I think about it. It just goes to show that there is indeed hope for all transgendered people.
“Hey, I think that might be a guy.”
“I don’t care.”
Blessed be.

Trans Anger

2007-03-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

Trans Anger
by Raven Usher
Occasionally Diversity Newsmagazine receives books, movies or music releases from distributors that specialize in LGBT products and/or publications. Recently I received an audio CD of Athens Boys Choir’s newest release, “Rhapsody in T” from Daemon Records.
Athens Boys Choir consists of two female to male “gender benders” (their words). Rocket and Katz present a series of spoken prose on everything from the president and politics to social prejudices to personal experience. “Writing is our hobby, passion, and therapy. In a world where there are always new questions, new wrongs, and new calls for revolution, there is hardly a lack of things to write about,” the duo says in their press pack.
Being transsexual myself, I was rather excited to see a CD written and performed by transgendered artists. It is my personal belief that the “T” of LGBT gets far too little press. I eagerly stuffed the CD down my boom-box’s throat and poured the voices of Athens Boys Choir out over the room. After listening to the CD, one thing was quite clear. These guys are pissed off!
Rocket and Katz are angry that society does not openly accept trans-folk. They are angry that the government does not pass laws to protect us. And they are angry that big religion demonizes us. As disappointed as I was that “Rhapsody in T” did not have a more positive outlook, I could not deny that trans-anger has become common place.
Transgendered people are angry that even gay and lesbian activists who fight for legislation that guarantees them the right to be themselves leave gender expression out of their proposed bills that would let transfolk be themselves until trans-activists point out yet another exclusion. T’s are angry about having to hide in the shadows. They are mad at having to live in fear of violence and discrimination. If the trans community gets any angrier we are going to reach a whole new dimension of pissedivity.
That kind of anger is not healthy. It is bad for the individuals who feel it. It is bad for the community that must endure it. It is bad for the society that does not understand us to see it. And it is bad for the activists who are battling to secure our rights when they have to combat negativity from the very people they are fighting to protect.
It is hard enough to educate people on a severely confusing subject when the people involved are amicable and welcoming. Angry, confrontational people trying to force the subject on others only galvanizes their resistance. The trans community needs to get over its anger and realize that this is not a fight we can win by force. This is not football. It is chess. And to win we need strategy, finesse, awareness and most importantly... patience.
Despite the propagation of anger that “Rhapsody in T” promotes, Rocket and Katz do touch on a number of important social issues that require attention. They also vividly demonstrate the similarities between today’s fight for LGBT rights and the fight for civil rights in the 50’s and 60’s. A fact that anti-gay organizations continue to deny or claim is purely a coincidence.
As a member of the trans community I am able to identify with the issues brought up in “Rhapsody in T.” In particularly, the “dick not jane” piece spoken by Rocket captured my attention. The artistic value of the spoken prose was a refreshing change from the too loud pounding bass lines that infect popular music today.
As much as I am able to identify with “Rhapsody in T” and expect that other trans folk will as well, I doubt that anyone who has not known the hardships of transgendered life will understand it. The sharp, explicit imagery of the work is just too specific and it lacks a common reference point for even gay and lesbian listeners, not to mention the straights. Props to Athens Boys Choir for the artistic prose. But how about toning down the pissed off angle.
“Rhapsody in T” is available for purchase at www.daemonrecords.com.

What T's Up, Doc?

2007-03-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

What T’s Up, Doc?
by Raven Usher
Do any of you know how profoundly weird it is to have a full breast examine followed by, “turn your head and cough?”
As funny as it sounds, the unique health concerns of transgendered people is no laughing matter. Health problems are often compounded because far too many trans people self medicate due to a lack of trans-friendly medical professionals in their areas. On top of that, many avoid medical check-ups out of fear of persecution or maltreatment.
Far too often, transition is treated like a covert military op. We keep our actions as secret as possible for as long as possible. We camouflage the results until we have advanced enough that there is no way for opposing forces stop the onslaught regardless of the resistance they mount. Then we occupy the city while the inhabitants are sleeping and off guard.
The problem is that when we are in stealth mode we tend to neglect our health. A certain level of secrecy during transition is a must. But it is a major mistake to stay secret from the people who can keep us from becoming victim to our own path in life; our doctors.
The stress of facing society’s prejudices can cause severe depression. 50% of all transsexuals die by their early 30’s and most commit suicide over gender issue driven depression. Transfolk are also more susceptible to all the other health problems related to depression.
The side effects of hormone therapy can be life threatening if not properly monitored. Extended hormone use can cause liver and kidney problems. Self medicating will let these problems go undetected until they pose serious health risks. The unsupervised use of Spirolonactone (an essential part of M to F hormone therapy) can lead to blood clots forming in the blood vessels of the legs. They cause extreme pain and if they break loose and travel to the heart, they cause fatal heart attacks.
Transfolk also have to be aware of two sets of gender specific health concerns in addition to the unique health concerns of trans people. No matter how tragic a case of bitch-tits a man has, he will never have to be subjected to the dreaded mammogram machine. Regardless of how bad the penis envy gets, no woman will have to “face” a prostate exam. Transfolk have to deal with it all. So we need to be aware of it all.
Not every transgender person makes a full gender transition. In this context, they are the lucky ones. They do not have to face a second puberty that wreaks havoc on the body, mind and emotions. They do not have to face years of drug regiments and surgical procedures. And their doctors can remain safely unaware.
The rest of us do not have that luxury. Blood pressure means more when you are taking strong medications. High cholesterol is more of a concern when your body is being forced to redistribute its fat deposits. And something as simple as proper diet and exercise is ultra important when you are developing a whole new body.
Too many transfolk spend too much time and energy thinking about other people when they should be thinking about themselves. We think about our family’s reactions, the consequences to our jobs and how society will treat us in daily life. We should be thinking about our body’s reaction, the consequences to our health and how we are treating ourselves from day to day.
Regardless of who you are, you should have an eye on your health. If you are transgendered it is even more important. TCC has a list of LGBT friendly doctors in the Boise area posted. If you need a regular doctor go down to TCC, look at the list and get one. If you have a regular doctor... when was the last time you saw him?
Blessed Be

Work is a 4-Letter Word

2007-03-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

Work is a 4-Letter Word
by Raven Usher
I quit my school bus driving job in February of 2000 to stay home and take care of my kids. I love being a housewife. It has been more rewarding than any other job I have had. Watching my children grow, progress and succeed gives me a sense of accomplishment that is unrivaled by anything else in my life. I truly believe that being a homemaker is the career the Fates wove into the tapestry of my life.
But the warp and the woof of a tapestry are subject to an intricate weave. Threads that are pressed closely together in one place may not touch at all in another. Every time the loom cycles, the tapestry changes.
The loom is about to cycle.
In a few months my youngest child will start school. When my empty nest syndrome is not making me curl up in an overly-emotional ball on the couch, I think about what I am going to do with my time. I could take up a series of arts and crafts projects like my mother. I could utilize my interior design background and turn my house into a showpiece. I could open my home and spend my day caring for someone else’s child. Or... I could venture back out into the world and get a job.
Get a job. That does not sound difficult, does it? People do it all the time. And I am not unskilled. I have even kept up with my CDL. I have options.
The prospect of re-entering the work force has me facing an aspect of transsexualism that I have not had to deal with thus far; being transgendered in the workplace. I count myself lucky that I did not have to worry about losing a job or wrecking a career during my transition. 85% of transsexuals lose their jobs when they transition. I did not have to face ridicule from co-workers. I did not have to worry about a transphobic boss firing me.
A homemaker re-entering the workforce is not an easy change for any woman. After many years of staying home, you may not have verifiable past employment. (Most companies simply do not keep records that long.) You have to start at entry levels when you are middle-aged. You may not be up-to-date with current business technologies. In a nutshell, if you do not have some kind of degree or certification, you may not be marketable. Or you might be transgendered in a conservative community.
I pass. Even without make-up I successfully display a female gender expression. But I have not held a job as a woman. That may not sound like a big deal. But think back to your first job. Were you unsure of yourself, intimidated by the people who already worked there, nervous about doing something new? The job probably sucked too. Now imagine that sundae topped with the cherry of being transgendered.
I have been watching the “help wanted” signs around town. I have seen a number of jobs that would either utilize my skills or just be fun source of extra income. There is, in fact, an establishment that I would love working for. On one hand: It would put me in the public eye under close scrutiny. Maybe even closer scrutiny than I have been under as a woman thus far. On the other hand: I am a bit of an attention whore and I would probably get off on being seen so much.
Oh, what the hell. I will do it. I am going apply for a job as a Hooters girl!
Blessed Be

Uncle Sam's Misguided Children

2007-03-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children
by Raven Usher

According to the North American Dictionary of Transgender Slang, a macho trap is “an activity or situation that a transgender embarks upon for a period of time in an attempt to deny or suppress feelings and/or desires stemming from gender dysphoria.”
I am a veteran of the United States Marine Corps. I served eight years under the banner of the eagle, globe and anchor. Honorably discharged - July, 1994. If only my old Marine Corps buddies could see me now!
I am also an early onset transsexual. I first became consciously aware that I was “different” at about age six. Those feelings came to their first major conflict when I hit puberty. That is the time in a young boy’s life when his hormones run rampant and set his desire ablaze with the urge to grow breasts and become a strong vibrant woman. Oh, ok. So that was just me.
At seventeen years old I was being pulled in two directions that could not be more blisteringly opposite. The internally driven rage to become a woman versus the externally driven push to become a man. That is a hell of a lot of pressure to heap on to a kid’s shoulders. I was fast approaching high school graduation. A host of people; friends, family, teachers, guidance counselors, television and movie heroes were relentlessly bombarding me with the idea that it was time for me to grow up and “be a man.” There were two problems with that. I did not want to be a man. And I had no idea what it meant to be a man.
Then I crossed paths with a person who claimed to have the answer. He was a Marine Corps recruiter. He came to my school in his dress blue uniform. As sexy as men in uniforms are, there is no uniform sexier than Marine Blues! I am not sure, but I think he noticed me because I was staring at him. He may have been the first adult who actually talked to me as if I was an adult. He had me hooked.
I only caught a portion of his sales pitch. Somewhere amidst his “benefits of being a Marine” speech a thought tunneled into my head. If anyone knew how to turn a boy into a man (even a boy who felt less like a boy than the other boys), it had to be the Marines. So I suppressed my feminine feelings and dove headlong into something I knew to be wrong. I joined the Marines. And thus my macho trap was sprung.
I gave in. I succumbed to the peer pressure of family, school and society. I became a victim of the expectations imposed upon what was between my legs. I turned my back on my true self and set out to become what I became. I did became a Marine. I thought I had become a man. What I truly became was miserable.
Being a Marine made that host of other people see me as the man they all dreamt I could be. It was an image that far exceeded the person it surrounded. Wearing that image as a disguise for all that time made it all the more difficult for others to accept me as woman I really am.
Had I retained the effeminate image I had in school when I lettered in dance, my transition would have been less shocking if not expected. But when a hard-as-nails, rough-and-tumble leatherneck breaks that same news the believability factor drops dramatically. That is the news of the sissy kid who was the home-ec teacher’s pet, not the only son of three who followed dad into military service.
I am proud to have served in the Marine Corps. The strength and courage the Corps instilled in me are largely responsible for making it possible for me to endure the hardships of my transition. But I also have regrets. I lost nearly a decade of my life as a woman. I made other people part of my life; a wife and kids. They too had to endure my transition and I am responsible for inflicting that pain upon them.
We play the cards we are dealt. I have had to bluff a lot. But I still come up with more winning hands than losing hands.
Blessed Be.
PS: Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children... USMC

Blood, Sweat & Fears

2007-03-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

Blood, Sweat & Fears
By Raven Usher
A while back my son hurt his head while he was playing. It left a gash in his scalp that required four stainless steel staples to close. I had my fair share of stitches when I was a kid and I knew my son’s injury really was not all that serious. But still...
I walked into the ER carrying a disturbingly quiet child in my arms, his blood smeared across the front of my white shirt. As the triage nurse took his vitals, a fear struck me that few other parents would even fathom. What if they read me? Will my son’s quality of care suffer because of who his Maddy is? Will I have to deal with police because of this ER visit? Will the doctors call child protective services? What if an accidental cut on the head costs me my child?
I can honestly say that it was the most afraid I have been in my adult life. Considering I am an ex-marine who has known the sensation of being shot at, that is saying a lot. Fears like that can be compounded by outside influences. Mental images of maltreatment are easily induced by things like the knowledge that Michigan passed a state-wide ordinance in 2004 that allows doctors to refuse treatment to GLBT patients if they have moral or religious objections to providing treatment. It’s called the Conscientious Objector Act. Sometimes getting national news press releases sent directly to my home computer backfires.
The story I wrote on Theron McGriff in March of 2003 did not help either. In case you did not follow that story... An Idaho judge took away custody of McGriff’s children and gave them to his ex-wife after McGriff’s boyfriend moved into the house. McGriff’s case went all the way to the Idaho supreme court in 2004. Although the court proclaimed it to be unconstitutional to remove kids on the basis of sexual orientation, McGriff still did not regain custody of his children.
I fully understand that my fears were unfounded. I knew it even than. That hospital is one of the best in the state. Their reputation is unblemished and the quality of care that other members of my family have received there has been fantastic. But that did not stop the fear from creeping up my spine like some alien insect intent on burrowing into my brain.
All the ingredients for paranoia were there; examples of legalized medical maltreatment, judicial prejudice, lost child custody, and the fact that I knew it would be easy to read me. (I had rushed out of the house without any thought of taking time to check my own appearance.) Drop on top of that the guilt that wells up when a parent is looking at her injured child and the scenarios run rampant.
I am never in a hurry to go to the hospital. When I injured my hand it had to get so bad that I could not even pick up a pencil before I sought more than a home remedy. The problem is that I know all the statistics of maltreatment that transsexuals receive at the hands of medical services around the country. I would rather try to take care of myself before risking added complications from a prejudiced doctor not doing his job because he discovered my exam would not require stirrups.
The incident with my son was the first time that this concern bled over to involve another member of my family. Neither of my daughters have ever had to be taken to the ER and my wife is more familiar with hospitals than some doctors. I avoid hospitals religiously. Besides my misgivings connected to being transsexual, I have a minor phobia that requires all my self control to overcome just stepping across a hospital’s threshold, even when taking my child in for emergency care.
My son was just fine. In fact, he thought the staples were cool. He is five years old now and he has developed the tendency to lead with his head. Needless to say, this incident was not our last trip to the ER. His sisters have come to affectionately refer to him as “Thud-head.” Sometimes I think I should buy him a helmet.
Blessed Be.

Kids and the Men Who Like Them

2007-03-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

Kids and the Men Who Like Them
by Raven Usher
The police do this thing they call a “prostitution sting.” They dress a female officer like a hooker and have her stand out on a public street. Then they arrest anyone who offers to pay her for carnal pleasures. The criminal charge is “solicitation.” Guys wanting to buy sex may not seem like a serious criminal threat. In fact there are many people who make the claim that the tactic of using prostitution stings is entrapment. That the cops are manipulating circumstances to unduly tempt the guy into committing the crime. You notice no one has that complaint when the cops do drug stings to catch dealers.
Recently someone used the “entrapment” argument on me for a similar kind of sex sting. We both know the person who got caught. But he was not busted for just solicitation. His crime was “solicitation of a minor over the internet.” He was caught by a national task force (not the police) that hunts down pedophiles who lurk in internet chat rooms. It is called “Perverted Justice” and they list all the pedophiles they catch on their web site, www.perverted-justice.com.
They work in the same manner of a prostitution sting. An agent goes into a public chat room and pretends to be a minor. He sits and waits for a pedophile to make an illegal proposition. They try to get phone numbers and call to confirm them. (They have people who can sound like minors on the phone for that.) Then they set up a meeting place and catch the pedophile red handed when he shows up.
It is one thing to claim entrapment when a guy is propositioning what he thinks is a consenting adult hooker. But when a guy goes out of his way to try to get sex from a thirteen year old girl, claiming entrapment is just plain gullibility. Saying a criminal is not responsible for a crime because investigators sat back and allowed him to commit it is asinine. That is especially true when it is a crime against a child.
It is unforgivable to blame the victim of a crime for inciting the crime. It is no less reprehensible to claim wrong-doing on the part of investigators when they take measures to catch criminals by taking advantage of predictable criminal behavior. If the cops know a criminal is going to be in a certain place at a certain time to perpetrate a crime, they would be negligent not to be there waiting to pounce.
And yet, when I shared the news about the bust via an internet instant message, this is what I got:
raven usher: http://www.perverted-justice.com/?archive=insert_clever_handle_here
eyeswideshut: I am not excited about what he did
eyeswideshut: same token
eyeswideshut: it is a single sided story
eyeswideshut: and some of these look like entrapment
eyeswideshut: half truth's
eyeswideshut: and omissions
That web page address is accurate, by the way. Look it up. It includes his picture and a full transcript of the instant message conversation in which he propositioned and arranged to meet a girl he knew to be only thirteen years old. And yes, he really did show up for the meeting.
I do not know what upsets me more; that I know someone who did that or that someone else I know tried to play the entrapment card. I have known this guy for a couple of years. (The “sounds-like-entrapment“ guy has known him just as long.) He has been in my house. He has been around my thirteen year old daughter. If that thought does not make your skin crawl, nothing will.
For the record, he has not been arrested (yet). I am not able to tell you if he ever will be. Do I think he is guilty of a crime? Yes. I have read the transcript. There is not any gray area in it. What am I going to do about it? First, I am going to keep my family away from him. Second, I am going to tell this story to everyone who will listen. Awareness is the first and best step to any fight. The GLBT community should know that by now.
Blessed Be.

Nice Day for a White Wedding

2007-03-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

Nice Day for a White Wedding
by Raven Usher
I have been thinking about wedding dresses. I had a wedding once. I did not walk down an isle. I did not get to toss a bouquet. I did not get to wear a pretty white dress.
Michelle and I are coming up on our 15th anniversary. We have come to realize that neither of us are the same people we were when we got married in 1990. OK, so my changes are more readily apparent than hers but we have both changed. We have decided that it is time to update our marriage to match our updated lives.
In the spring of 2005 we are going to get married. Yes, I know. We are already married. But there is a fly in that ointment. Technically “Raven” has never participated in a wedding. The 1990 wedding had a different person all together standing at the altar. Now it is Raven’s turn. I finally get to wear my white dress.
The wedding dress symbolizes two qualities of the bride; purity and chastity. Purity is represented by the color white. That is why the bride wears a pure white dress. By walking down the isle in white, she is parading her purity before all the world.
Chastity is a whole other story. The bride’s chastity is not symbolized by the color white. Chastity is symbolized by the length of the bottom hem and the train of her dress. That does not apply just to wedding dresses, but to all dresses and skirts. The higher the hem, the looser the woman. No, you can not come over and count my mini skirts.
The height of the dress hem (this is ancient fashion doctrine) is an indicator to how far a woman intends to let her suitor advance in the process of amore`. If she shows her ankle, she is suggesting her calf. Showing the calf suggests the knee. Showing the knee suggests the thigh. And showing the thigh... well, then she is really making a suggestion.
This standard still exists today. You can test it by going to any singles bar. Take some lady friends who have a senses of humor with you. Tell them to flirt, tease and generally be “party girls.” Have one go wearing a skirt with a hem below the knee. Have the other wear a mini skirt that shows a good portion of thigh. Take close notice to how much attention each girl gets. The one wearing the mini skirt will get a great deal more.
That is the whole idea behind the hem and train of the wedding dress. A front hem that drags the floor so the bride has to either lift the dress or kick it out of her way as she walks shows that she is unobtainable to anyone other than the groom. (Or the other bride in our case.) If you have to show the ankle to suggest the calf, what kind of suggestion is she making when you can not even see her feet?
The long trailing train symbolizes her dedication to her chastity. The longer the train, the more chased the woman. Think about it. What woman in her right mind would let an expensive satin dress drag across the ground if it did not symbolize something very important? Something like... her own honor and virtue.
I have been shopping around and have found the dress I want. Before someone who knows me too well stands up and hollers, “Oh my God! She’s wearing a white dress!” No, the dress I have chosen is not pure white. It is a designer white dress with a number of colored accents on the corset and train. The dress has those colored accents for two reasons. I am so pale that no one would see me in a white dress without colored accents. And, I am too honest to wear a pure white wedding dress in good conscience.
I have white dresses. I have formal gowns. I have a marriage. What I do not have is the memory or mementos of wearing a formal white gown in a wedding ceremony. Having those may not make a real world difference in my life one way or another. But it makes a hell of a lot of difference to my heart.
Blessed Be.

The Butcher's Bill

2007-03-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

The Butcher’s Bill
by Raven Usher

An average of 12 transgendered people are murdered every year. That works out to one a month for the mathematically impaired. They are killed for being themselves. They set out to live the lives that their hearts and minds tell them are correct. Bigotry and fear bring those lives to horrifically abrupt ends.

November 20th, 2004 will be the sixth annual observance of the Transgendered Day of Remembrance. It is a day when we pause to remember those transgendered brothers and sisters who have been lost to hatred and violence over the past year. We pause in vigil to salute the courage they showed in choosing the lives they led.

The most dangerous year for TG’s, according to the Remembering Our Dead (ROD) records, was 2003 with a total of 29 victims of prejudice. 2004, although still high, has returned more closely to the yearly average with 19. Not everyone who makes the ROD list self-identifies as transgendered. Some are friends, family or loved ones who get caught in the cross-fire. But transgendered or not, they lose their lives due to violence aimed at us.

This year’s victims of hatred are (in chronological order): Lee “China” Zainal; stabbed nine times in neck and chest. Reshae McCauley; severe upper body trauma. Pedro Cruz Ramos; shot, allegedly by Eliezer Santana Baez. Unknown transperson; murdered. Precious Armani; shot in the head. Mickey Ward-El Smith; shot ten times. (Smith was 19-years-old.) Augusto Flores Munoz; shot, allegedly by Eliezer Santana Baez. Cedric Thomas; shot multiple times. (Thomas was shot on May 18th, and succumbed to those wounds on June 5th.) Unknown transperson; murdered. Unknown transperson; shot to death. (This is the first of two individuals found together.) Unknown transperson; shot to death. (This is the second of two individuals found together.) Gennaro Rizzo; stabbed several times in the thorax and elsewhere. Darryl Fearon; stabbed. (The 17 year old victim had come to the aid of three transgender individuals who were being harassed by Christian Soto-Ruiz. Soto-Ruiz stabbed this victim to death with a kitchen knife, and slashed one of the transgender individuals.) Leandro Bispo Estavao; stabbed. Tony “Delicious” Green; beaten. Rivera Rene; throat cut. Joel Robles; stabbed. (Estanisalao Martinez is being held by police for this murder.) Bella Martinez; shot. Andre; bludgeoned to death.

If you look closely you will notice that Pedro Ramos and Augusto Munoz were both allegedly shot by Eliezer Baez. Ramos and Munoz were friends and were frequently in one another’s company. Ramos was shot on Feb. 4. Munoz was shot on April 16. Even though he was the primary suspect in Ramos’ murder, Baez was not taken into custody until after Munoz’s murder.

Only a few of the murderers of transgendered victims are ever brought to justice. 2002 teen transgender murder victim Gwen Araujo’s case was declared a mistrial in August, 2004 due to a hung jury. Half the jurors believed her murder was justified because the four men who bludgeoned her to death did not know she was born male until after they had engaged in sexual relations with her. Those jurors held on to that belief even though one of the four men plea-bargained and testified against the other three.

I am not trying to win any kind of lifetime achievement award for living my life as a transsexual. I am just trying to live an entire lifetime. Unfortunately hatred, ignorance and bigotry drive others to begrudge me that goal. Violence against transgenders is more apt to be ignored by authorities than violence against the gay men who hold hands in public or the lesbian couple who attempt to adopt a child. In the GLBT world the G’s, L’s and B’s are fighting for civil rights. The T’s are still fighting for survival.
Blessed Be.

The Gender of Kindergarten

2007-03-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

The Gender of Kindergarten
by Raven Usher

Kindergarten [German] - English translation: garden of children.

Well, another school year has begun. I now have exactly one year until my empty nest syndrome advances from my heart and invades my house. With my middle child officially surpassing kindergarten with the beginning of first grade and my youngest perched upon the precipice of that first flight away from the nest, the ominous implications of kindergarten has engulfed my psyche.

Life before kindergarten is genderless. They are not “boys and girls.” They are just “children.” Prior to the precursor of the elementary school years the terms “boy” and “girl” are restricted to nursery decoration guides, child fashion and Happy Meal toys. They do not yet serve as social separators.

Pre-school kids do everything together. They eat together, nap together, play, get dirty and even bathe together. There is no division in which toys are acceptable for which child to play with. Barbie and G.I. Joe have equal unlimited access to all. Hot Wheels cars cruise freely through the Hello Kitty doll house neighborhood. On the playground, pig tails and crew cuts race across the same square of fenced yard sharing parts in the same flexi-rule game.
And then it happens... kindergarten!

With the onset of kindergarten comes the hammer fall of gender separation. It lands like the splitting crash of a Viking’s heavy sword and severs long standing cross-gendered childhood alliances. The game is no longer flexi-rule. The rules become hard and rigid. Any who dare challenge them are brow-beat into submission of the newly imposed gender barriers. Those who were once alike and inseparable are declared “different” and are torn apart.

“Boys over here, girls over there.” That command filled me with dread every time I heard it. I did not want to be “over here.” I wanted to be “over there.” All my friends were over there. The toys I wanted to play with were over there. The activities I wanted to be part of were over there. I did not know any of the kids over here. I did not like the games they played over here. I wanted to jump rope, not play kickball. Sweet Goddess, forgive me, but I freaking hate kickball to this day!

Six years old - that is when we start doing it to them. That is when the brain-washing begins. That is when the weeds of bias, prejudice and discrimination take root in our precious garden of children. Robert Fulghum wrote a poem that became a best-selling book. “All I ever really needed to know I learned in Kindergarten.” It is a good book. I burned my copy. (I had forgotten I did that.)

The lessons I took home from kindergarten are not as inspiring as Mr. Fulghum’s. The children who end up on the wrong sides of kindergarten’s gender barriers learn very different things: segregation, loss, forbiddance, separation, denial... cruelty. Segregation from the other children whose gender shares the same mental and emotional parameters. Loss of the freedom to express and explore themselves in a manner that feels right to them. The forbiddance to pursue their desires. Separation from the material objects and activities that draw their interests. The forcible denial of who they are inside. And the cruelty of others when their misplacement shows through.

In closing, let me cut the political alarmists off at the pass. No, I am not calling for a large scale overhaul of the kindergarten level educational system to institute sensitivity training for the teachers. At six years old, a child does not have the tools to determine any path in life, especially one that is as difficult as a gender transition. This year there are 3,816 kindergarten students comprising 173 classes in the 59 elementary schools of the Boise and Meridian school districts. The teachers who educate them should be aware that these kids are in the mix. They must not be discarded because they might choose a controversial path ten or twenty years down the road.
Blessed be.

High Tea with the Queen of the Queens

2007-03-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

High Tea with the Queen of the Queens
by Raven Usher

I was bestowed with a great honor; a private audience with Imperial Sovereign Gem Court Empress, Brooke Tyler. OK, so it was less of a formal audience and more like two women on a couch gossiping and petting the dog. But I still felt honored.

Like all early onset transsexuals, Brooke was aware at a very early age that her gender identity was askew. Unlike most, though, her parents also became aware early on when their only son, at the ripe age of five, loudly announced amidst the Christmas festivities, “Stop calling me a boy!”

As time continued its relentless march, Brooke’s proclivity to be drawn to the feminine aspects of the world raged on. Even a stint in the US Army, and a minor career riding bulls for rodeo were unsuccessful in drawing out a masculine persona. She finally found a tailor-made (or should that be Tyler-made?) outlet for her expressions of femininity in the world of drag. It was in the costumed wonderland of the drag queens that Brooke found acceptance and the stability for what was destined to become the ride of a lifetime.

It was a close friendship made while in the throws of drag that set Brooke’s course to transsexual transition. Although many friends tried their best to talk her out of becoming a girl, she held her ground. Even her mother’s fearful warning that Brooke would become a second class citizen after surgery and a year long estrangement from her father did not deter her. She insisted, “This is something I always wanted, but didn’t know was possible.”

“God didn’t make a mistake,” Brooke told me. “I am who I was suppose to be and this is how I was suppose to get here. My parents didn’t make a mistake in raising me. I’m a successful woman because of how they tried to raise me. I took the strength of a man [they gave me] and instilled it into myself to be a more confident woman. I am who I am now because of who I was then.”

That confident woman now presents herself to the world without regret, shame or concealment. Brooke stands up with pride in herself and her accomplishments. She embraces her past, revels in the present and is optimistic for the future. She also acknowledges her exceptional good luck that has seen her through the hardships of life as a transsexual. Brooke is not the standard of a completed transition. She is the hallmark of excellence that we all aspire to achieve.

A social chasm exists that separates the drag and transgender communities. Yet, Brooke manages to span it with little trouble. She says the separation is there because neither group wants to be confused with the other. I have said it many times in the pages of Diversity; drag queens are not transgendered and TG’s do not do drag. Brooke attributes her ability to bridge the gap between these two worlds to her pre-transition past as a drag queen.

Not everyone is exactly thrilled with a T-girl being the Empress, past drag queen or not. Some people were purposely absent from Brooke’s first Court meeting as Empress. She, however, remains undaunted. She hopes that her example can help bridge the gap between the drag and TG worlds as well as the gaps between other segments of our society.

I asked Brooke what she sees for her future. It came as no surprise to hear her talk about having kids some day. The beautiful face at the other side of the couch brightened and glowed for a moment as a dream of being a housewife and mother danced behind those captivating eyes. She believes she will be a great mother. After spending only a few hours observing her manner and temperament, I whole heartedly agree.

Brooke is fully aware of the challenges that face her in the future. Her strength and optimism showed through again as she said, “I think society is changing as a whole. It may be hard for people to tell who the enemy is, but it’s becoming easy for people to see who the enemy is not.”
Thank you, Brooke Tyler, for being who you are and for allowing us to see you. You are a true inspiration.
Blessed Be.

10 Stupid Things T-Gurls do

2007-03-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

10 Stupid Things T-Gurls Do
by: Raven Usher

1: Not seeing a therapist.
Changing ones gender is probably one of the most difficult things a person can undergo. To do so without a neutral advisor to help through the difficult times is very foolish. However, the wrong therapist is more harmful than none at all. So shop around to find one experienced and supportive of transsexual goals.

2: Not seeking medical supervision when taking hormones.
No two individuals respond exactly the same way to hormone therapy. Self-dosing can cause serious health problems. It can even be fatal. When compared to cosmetic procedures, the cost of sound medical attention is inexpensive. If you cannot afford a doctor visit, you cannot afford to take hormones.

3: Taking short cuts.
Transitioning is a long process. There are important steps that are necessary to achieving a new gender role. These steps may be done in different orders, but they all need to be completed. It can mean the difference between being accepted as a woman and being forever labeled “other.”

4: Concentrating more on looks than on the person inside.
Being a woman is more than a shapely figure and a pretty face. It includes emotional and mental states of being. The person who is not a complete woman on the inside can never be a complete woman on the outside.

5: Cutting too many costs.
Changing one’s gender is not cheap. It makes perfect sense to try and get the most bang for your buck. However, when it comes to any kind of body modification, second best may not be good enough. You may be unhappy now with small breasts, but how happy will you be later with a botched job?

6: Avoiding objectivity and self-analysis.
We desperately try to assure ourselves that we are going to be accepted as “normal.” Every success is a milestone along that path. However, T-Gurls carry around, to different degrees, the basic truth that they are not genetic women. The ability to accept this and to deal with others’ perceptions is critical. T-Gurls eventually have to come to terms with how they fit into society.

7: Obsessing about imperfections.
We often become so absorbed in what is wrong that we forget to acknowledge what is right. You can only undo so many of the effects of being born male. The sooner you make peace with what remains, the happier you will be.

8: Hating the man you were before.
It is extremely uncomfortable to be forced to live in a role that is inconsistent with your mind and emotions. Perhaps hating one’s maleness is more about the insecurity of being a woman than it is about the short comings of being a man. People learn valuable skills and insights living as men. It is foolish to disregard those lessons because you have abandoned the male role.

9: Carrying a big pink chip on your shoulder.
You may be the first and only T-Gurl many people encounter. It may be uncomfortable for them. You are unusual no matter how “normal” you feel. Statistically T-Gurls are rare. Discomfort and awkwardness is understandable. Your goal is to have a peaceful happy life. Constantly beating your head against a wall of ignorance is not conducive to that goal.

10: Trying to transition when your life is in disarray.
Life is difficult enough without the turmoil of being trapped in the wrong body. The objective of transitioning is to construct a new person. Any new construction needs a stable base to build upon. In terms of changing one’s sex, this means financial, emotional and mental stability. The more you have your life in order the better success you will have transitioning.

The Death of Common Sense, and Others

2007-03-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

The Death of Common Sense, and Others
by Raven Usher

The first half of 2004 has seen an unprecedented level of justice being done on behalf of the transgendered community. The trial of Gwen Araujo’s murderers has received national headlines. In Indianapolis, the murderers of Nireah (Gregory) Johnson were sentenced to 120 years in prison. The murder of a transgendered person in St. Petersburg, FL also met with a lengthy jail sentence early this year.

Do not break out the party balloons just yet. These three murder victims have a horrifying similarity. They each could have prevented their own deaths by using a single piece of common sense. It is the death of that common sense that leads to the deaths of many transgenders, not just these three. And it seems that we, the transgenders, are responsible for the murder of this specific portion of common sense.

Allow me to say something about the “self-perception of manhood.” A male’s perception of his own manhood is the single most vulnerable and fragile portion of the male psyche. It can be threatened by a giggle and shattered by feeling. Because of the fragile vulnerability of the perception of manhood, men will defend it at all costs. Sometimes they defend themselves with violence. Sometimes... the cost is murder.

One of the areas in which a straight man’s manhood is exceptionally vulnerable is his sexuality. This is the birthplace of homophobia. For those of you who are not straight men, here is the thought process: “Sexual contact with anyone who is not a woman is proof that the male is not a ‘man.’ So any accidental or inadvertent non-female sexual contact, real or perceived, must be eradicated.” Yes, it is an antiquated notion, but it is still a driving force for the majority of the male gender. It is so prevalent that the history of violence connected to it is infinite. Robin Williams summed it up best years ago in one of his comedy routines, “If we can’t fuck it, we’ll kill it.”

That is exactly what happened to Gwen Araujo. The man she was with could not have sex with her under the conditions his manhood dictated. So he killed her. It happens to scores of transgendered people. As horrifying as that seems, it is much more frightening to think that adhering to a single piece of common sense can prevent it. And yet so many of us do not. Far too many of us actually set the stage for the violence that befalls us.

Transgender Common Sense Point #1: Prior to engaging in any form of intimate physical contact with a man, TELL HIM WHAT YOU ARE!!!!!!

Why is this important? 1) If you do not tell him, you are putting yourself at risk of violence from him. 2) He has the right to know. 3) Fear of exposure is not an excuse since you will be exposed in the midst of the escapade anyway. 4) Deceit is always a bad idea. 5) If you do not have enough self respect to tell someone else what you are, you should not be getting intimately involved with anybody.

The number one reason that transgenders get murdered is because the men they get intimate with do not know they are transgendered until after the fact. The most common reason for non-lethal violence against transgenders is because the men they were with felt that their “sexuality had been threatened.”

How many of us have to be hurt or die before we learn this lesson? Is it our fault that these men hurt us? No. Violence is never an acceptable response to anything.
Are we responsible for the fact that so many allow themselves to get into such a predicament? Yes. We know why this happens, how it happens. And yet, we do far too little to try to put an end to it.

I do not want to even insinuate that a T-girl who is the victim of violence is in any way to blame for the violence committed against her. However, we are all responsible for our own safety. There are more forms of unsafe sex than just bare-backing. Having sex with a man who does not know you have a penis is one of them. All of you transgenders out there, please, do yourselves a favor. If you have not had the surgery, before you go down, fess up . Your life may just depend on it.
Blessed Be.

TSGirlfriend.com

2007-03-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

TSGirlfriend.com
by Raven Usher

Quick show of hands; How many of you hate the “dating scene?” WOW! I have not seen that many gay hands in the air since the last Cher concert.

It is no secret. Dating sucks. The whole process of meeting someone, trying to find a level of compatibility and then establishing any length of commitment can be absolutely nightmarish. I know this may be hard for the sluts to understand, but most people do not want an endless string of one night stands. Aside from being very unsafe, it just takes way too much energy.

Now imagine... take all the dating woes and turmoils and add the extra obstacle of being transsexual. Think about it. Straight men who are attracted to the way you look, probably will not be happy that you sport the same “package” that he does. A gay man who would enjoy the “package” will not be attracted to the visage you have worked so hard to achieve. Now, to add to the difficulty level, realize that all most men know of transsexuals is what they have learned from porn. It seems a “she-male encounter” is a high prize on a pervert’s score card.
So, what is a transsexual on the boyfriend hunt to do? Visit www.TSGirlfriend.com.

Yes, there are literally hundreds of websites that deal with transsexuals and transsexual issues. I think I have looked at every single one in my research for different articles I have written. Once you filter out the porn, there are plenty of instructional, clinical and retail sites designed to help trannies through their transitions. Most of them offer valuable information. But TSGirlfriend.com is different. All those other websites are pure theory. TSGirlfriend.com is practice.

Up until recently, the only advice a man could get on how to treat TS women was, “Treat her like any other girl.” The problem with that is most men, in general, have no idea how to treat any woman.

TSGirlfriend.com actually shows serious suitors of transsexual women how to meet, talk to, treat, date and form a lasting relationship with the girls they are interested in. It also has advice for the TS lady on how to navigate the choppy waters of dating. With a curriculum that covers everything from meeting a TS woman to asking her out to conduct on a first date, TSGirlfriend.com is the ultimate resource on TS dating for both for men and TS women.

For the person who needs socialization practice, TSGirlfriend.com is equipped with a unique chat room. Since the chat room is not run or maintained by a web server company, the rules of polite socialization can actually be enforced... and they are. There are no “snerts” to cause mayhem. There are no blind instant messages from trolling sex hunters. “How can this be,” you ask? The chat room is monitored 24/7 to keep it from happening.

The passage that caught my attention the most seemed so simple, and yet, spoke volumes to my heart. In the “T-girls as Women; Your T-girl Should be Happy” section, I found this line: “Women, genetic or T-girls, don't think like men. She isn't your buddy, she's your lady. Her mind works differently, and her emotional makeup is different than yours. Bear in mind what's been written here and your life with your lady will be a happy one.” I truly believe that has got to be the single best piece of advice I have ever heard in regards to transsexuality and dating.

I already said it once and you know it is true, my dear reader. Dating sucks. But thanks to MichaelTSG and the website he created and maintains, dating for TS women (and the rare breed of men who enjoy us) has just gotten a lot easier. If you are a T-girl on the dating scene, go check it out. And when you are done, send every man that asks you out to look at it. TSGirlfriend.com is very possibly the answer to the TS dating woes.
Blessed be.

Believe It Or Not...

2007-03-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

Believe It Or Not...
by Raven Usher

What I am about to relate to you, my dear readers, is true. Any number of you may not believe it. I could hardly believe it and I was there. But I assure you, as strange as it sounds... it really happened.

In the February issue of Diversity, I told tale of some of the signs that show transsexuals that they have achieved an outwardly passable appearance of their gender identity. Most particularly, I spoke of two women that mistakenly thought I have breast implants. Their over-heard conversation was a wonderful affirmation of my femininity.

In the past month I have had another such affirmation. Once again, a person who was born female overlooked my male history and queried me a question that no man could ever be asked. This time, however, the woman who posed the question was not a stranger. She not only knew me quite intimately as a man - she also knows me rather intimately as a woman.

Knowing that the people with whom I share a special closeness are now seeing me as the woman I have always wanted to be is having a profound influence on me. As any transsexual goes through the metamorphosis of outwardly changing his/her gender there is always a certain level of guilt. Transitioning is an incredibly selfish process that throws the lives of friends and loved ones into turmoil, at least temporarily. The purpose of transitioning is to save oneself. The inevitable side-effect of causing others pain is an unavoidable issue of overwhelming regret.

Last month that regret was effectively lifted from my existence. A single fateful question banish all doubt from me that I have done the right thing in pursuing my transition. For that, I will be eternally grateful. Especially as I eternally laugh at the question that set me free from my guilt.

Here is the story.

My wife of fourteen years, whom I impregnated three times prior to my transition, was sitting by my side on the couch. We were winding down from the day by only half watching a re-run of an old Seinfeld episode on late-night television. The episode that was being aired was one that is responsible for adding a particular phrase to the American pop-culture slang - “spongeworthy.”

For those of you who do not watch Seinfeld, let me expound. Elaine found out that her favorite method of contraception, the Today Sponge, was being taken off the market. She then went on a quest to acquire as many sponges as she could find to build up a ready supply. The short supply of sponges prompted her to begin judging perspective partners on weather or not he was worthy of expending a portion of her limited supply on him. If he was, he was deemed “spongeworthy.”

In the midst of this “spongeworthy” episode my wife, the woman who watched her husband morph into her wife, turned to me and asked, “Have you ever used the sponge?”

No, I am not kidding. She really did! All i could do was stare, slack-jawed, at her. It seemed even the characters on the TV paused in their performances and were staring out of the set at her in disbelief. She sat there waiting for my answer. I broke into laughter and nearly fell off the couch.
Many years ago we promised each other that we would be together for no less than seventy years. We have fifty-six to go. Rest assured, I will be teasing her about this the entire time.
Blessed be.

Criminalizing Marriage

2007-03-13T08:53:00.000-07:00

Criminalizing Marriage
by Raven Usher

I am married.

We have been married for fourteen years and knew one another for nine years prior to getting married. Our relationship is old enough to drink. We have three children together, own our home and two cars. I stay at home and raise our children while my spouse maintains a career that supports the family. We are, according to all the statistics, a Norman Rockwell painting of the average American family.

Well, almost. We are an inter-racial couple. I am so overwhelmingly Caucasian that i can cover the dark circles under my eyes with liquid paper. My spouse is visibly identifiable as Hispanic. Two of my three children were born with the Mongolian spots that mark the genetics of Spanish descent. Our right to marry outside the nationality of our births is legally protected against any possible objections from others whose beliefs are different than our own. So we are still an example of proper American marriage.

Well, almost. I am wiccan. I pray to the many Gods of pagan religion. I married someone of the Catholic faith. We have cauldrons and bibles in our house. Eventually, a religious convergence unified our religious beliefs and practices under the dogma of the Cellarian tradition of Wicca. Our right to marry outside of the faith we practiced at the time of our marriage is legally protected against any possible objections from others whose beliefs are different than our own. So we are still an example of proper American marriage.

Well, almost. I am a woman. I am married to a woman. Her name is Michelle. We love each other. We have dedicated our lives to each other. Our marriage has outlasted all the divorce and separation statistics. When we pay our taxes, we file a joint return. Our right to marry the specific individual we love is only legally protected against any possible objections from others whose beliefs are different than our own in certain places.

Our inter-racial marriage is protected by law. Our inter-faith marriage is protected by law. Well, it has been so far. If the protection of our same-sex marriage is allowed to be destroyed by small minded bigoted people, how long will it be before our inter-racial or inter-faith marriage is also condemned?

I keep hearing people say that same-sex marriage will devalue marriage as an institution. That is like saying if my neighbor gets a job that pays the same salary as mine, it will cause my money to decrease in value. It simply is not true.

If Bill and Mary’s marriage can be devalued because Jim and Harold get married too, then Bill and Mary do not have much of a marriage. If George beats up his wife, Jane, that does not mean Mary is in danger of domestic violence from Bill in their own home.

Marriage is a union between two people. No individual marriage can raise or lower the value of marriage in general. If someone thinks it can, they do not have a very optimistic opinion of marriage to begin with. No wonder the divorce rate has been so high among those people. Are you aware that the people who are currently screaming about protecting the sanctity of marriage are the people with the highest divorce rates on record? When is that little tidbit going to come up in a political debate?

This is not a game of poker. No one has to lose. Just because gays are winning civil rights, it does not mean that straights are losing civil rights. That is not the case now any more than it was when Dr Martin Luther King was fighting for the civil rights of people of color. White people did not lose any rights when black people won theirs. Men did not lose the right to vote when women were granted that right. Granting civil rights to one group does not nullify or devalue the rights of the people who already enjoy those rights.

Protect the sanctity of marriage? How about protecting the sanctity of freedom and equality? What about protecting the sanctity of the idea that “All men are created equal” upon which this nation was founded. The documents that created the United States of America say, “liberty and justice for all.” Not just for some.
Blessed Be.

Memories, Like the Corner of My Mind

2007-03-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

Memories, Like the Corner of My Mind
By Raven Usher

Growing up with any form of gender identity disorder, whether it is called gender dysphoria, transgenderism, or what have you, is problematic at its best. At its worst, it can be life threatening. In its commonality, it is most certainly traumatic.
There has been an uncommon level of discussion in my little corner of the world about childhoods as of late. My friends, family and even casual acquaintances have been talking about “when we were kids.” In the interest of the conversation, I try to keep up. But they have me at a disadvantage. I do not remember my childhood.

Oh, I know plenty of stories. I remember the ones my parents have told me time and time again and I can easily retell them. But when I do, I’m just recounting the stories of other people’s memories. Not my own. My own memory of my childhood is akin to a shattered mirror after the shards have been haphazardly swept up leaving only fragments hiding in the tufts of a shag carpet waiting to stab me in the foot when I step on them. I collect the pieces that I find, but there is never enough to recreate even a single complete reflection.

Sometimes it does not matter to me that my memory fails concerning things as recently as high school. Sometimes it bothers me a lot. It bothers me when i find evidence of my past of which I have no recollection; The pictures of a camping trip to Queen’s River near Atlanta, ID in the early 70‘s. The photo of the little dark haired boy who my mother swears was my best friend in the world. Little keepsakes that I have owned for decades, but do not know where or how I acquired them.

During my last visit to my parents’ house, my 6 year old was showing off her new reading skills. She prompted my mother to tell a story I had not heard before. It was about my grandmother complaining that my brother and I were reading comic books instead of real books and my mother defending her children saying, “Hey, they’re reading and they’ll read more if it’s something they like.” I cannot remember ever reading even a single comic book as a child. By the time I got home, that missing memory had eaten at me to the point that I was pressed with the need to find a quiet corner of my house and cry.

The forgotten references to childhood has prompted a question in me. I know that if a certain event in a person’s life is too traumatic for that person to deal with, the memory can be repressed by the subconscious in the best interests of the person’s mental well being. My question is: Is there a way to tell the difference between a repressed memory and something that has just been forgotten?

I asked my question to a friend who is, by trade, a therapist. Her reaction was to immediately warn me of the dangers of trying to resurrect repressed memories. She was so adamant about her warnings that I had to give her my solemn word that I was not interested in trying to uncover any such repressed memories. Which is indeed the truth. I have no inclination to relive any trauma that I have been fortunate enough to have had wiped from my head.

I would, however, like to know if I have repressed the majority of my childhood or if my memory just plain sucks! If it has been repressed, I must have been a really messed up kid. If I have just forgotten, my memory should not be admissible as evidence in a court of law.
Anyway, I would like to know if there is a way to tell the difference. If there is a way and you know what it is, my dear reader... drop me a line via Diversity. I really want to know.
Blessed Be.

They're Real and They're Spectacular

2007-03-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

They’re Real and They’re Spectacular
by Raven Usher

Every transgendered person who ventures out into public tries as hard as possible to keep from being read. Being “read“, according to the North American dictionary of transgender slang, is being recognized as being of a gender other than what is being displayed. For a male to female transgender, if someone reads her when she is out en femme they recognize her as male. None of us like being read. It is the single terror that makes going out into public for the first time so scary.

As we progress and gain experience we become more passable. “Passable” means we are able to portray the gender role of our choice without being read. Being passable takes time, effort and practice and it comes easier for some people than for others. Being passable is not a concern or a goal for all transgendered people. There are many who are content to never venture out before the scrutiny of the public eye. But for those of us who have made the commitment to ourselves to live the gender of our choice publicly, being passable is a high priority.

There are plenty of ways to tell that you are passing effectively, way too many to list here. But I will give you a few examples. You stop getting double takes from strangers. Men you do not know make sexual innuendos. Store clerks call you “Ma’am.” Mechanics and car salesmen try to lie to you. It is a wonderful day when all that happens.

I had originally intended to write about being transgendered on the job search for this issue. But an over-heard conversation in the fitting room at a local retail store changed my mind. Just the subject of the conversation was a wonderful affirmation that I do indeed fit securely into the gender role of my choice. Just as a little plot exposition, on the day in question I was wearing a rather low-cut top I had received as a birthday present.

The two women in the adjacent fitting room had apparently taken notice of me. But not because they had read me. I had indeed passed and they thought me to be female by birth. They had taken notice not of my low-cut birthday present, but what was inside it. In the impenetrable privacy of the retail store fitting room, they were having a heated discussion about my breasts. More specifically, they were in a debate about whether or not i have had implants.

Before rumor festers into fact... No, I do not have breast implants. These spectacular C-cup beauties are entirely home grown. My body’s response to the hormones has been well above normal. Of course, it helps that a number of the women in my genetic line are taller on their backs. And I was never a very good specimen of masculinity even before I started taking hormones. So be assured, these perky little bobbles that I sport around town are not surgically enhanced.

The two debaters, however, came to the incorrect conclusion and decided between themselves that I had had a “boob job.” They then made a few less than complimentary remarks towards my feminine vanity. I, myself, felt particularly flattered by the debate that had taken place on behalf of my breasts. I viewed it as an indication that I have transcended a boundary of the societal acceptance of feminism. It showed me that I am no longer being judged as a man who wants to be a woman. I am instead being judged as a woman who is suspect to all the vanities and scrutiny that besiege all women in American society. That is a big step. And it makes me happy. Not a bad birthday present, huh?
Blessed Be.