Monday, August 11, 2008

School Daze



School Daze
By Raven Usher


One of the biggest worries in being transgendered is being read in public. It is not easy to be read. Passing depends somewhat on how close people look at you. How close people look at you depends a lot on where you are. In some places, like the mall, you are pretty anonymous. Nobody cares who you are as long as you are not holding them up at the register. Other places do not give you that luxury. In some places they look close. Places like… school! (Insert ominous music cord here.)


I use to think that attending a function at the kids’ school was a total ball busting experience. No matter how friendly the teachers are, there is always that underlying feeling that they are trying to equate your influence on your kid. That and being a parent of the only kids in the whole school who have two moms tends to make you a target for attention. And Goddess forbid you do not hold up to the standards of the soccer-mom clique` less rumors and gossip fly behind your back like leaves in the wind of a speeding truck. Pardon me for wearing the “wrong” shorts when I dropped off my kids! Bitches.


But education is super-mega-mondo important. So you have to bite the bullet. Education is not only important for the kids though. It is important for adults as well. That is a much larger caliber bullet to bite.


No where in our lives are we more closely watched and scrutinized than when we are in school. Teachers watch everything we do and listen to everything we say. Other students are in tight proximity and have a close up view of us. Add to that the extra attention you will garner if you are re-entering a school setting during a later stage of life. It is a atmosphere that can overwhelm someone who displaying a post-transitional gender expression. Being read in such a situation is practically a guarantee.


Such is set the stage for a yet another transgender challenge. Ok, enough Shakespearian influence. It is just another place that will test a tranny’s courage and resolve. It is intimidating. I am returning to school (full time status, no less) after twenty-two years. I go to class and sit among a group of people who are ALL young enough to be my children. It is a lot to get use to in such a short amount of time.


Of course I am not the only one who has to get use to something new. Like most trannies I have to take time out from my apprehension to remind myself that I am the novelty, not the school. I am most likely not the only one who has to adjust to an uncomfortable situation. Everyone has been to school. Very few people encounter transgendered individuals.


It is SO easy to forget that I am not an every day, household staple for those around me. When I see people react to me with hesitation and/or confusion it is an easy thing to dive into a reactionary response that craves an opportunity to holler “prejudice” or “discrimination” from a lonely pulpit. But hesitation is not a form of prejudice and confusion does not discriminate.


Going back to school is much more than just a chance for me to gird up my backbone. It is a chance to learn and relearn. To learn a new trade. To relearn that others need to be given a chance to come to a place of comfort with something new. I may not be new to me. But I am new to everyone else at school. Hopefully we can all learn more than we bargained for when we enrolled.


Blessed Be