Monday, October 6, 2008

Counting the Miles


Counting the Miles
By Raven Usher

“A journey of 100 miles begins with a single step.”

I have been thinking about mile stones. No, not the rocks that hunters put at the edge of back-wood dirt roads to mark the locations of their favorite places to blast those fuzzy animals who wreak havoc on the wilderness by drinking from streams and nibbling on grass. The monsters!

I am talking about those moments in our lives that mark the great changes in our personal evolutions. Moments like coming out. No matter where we stand under the LGBT umbrella the day we come out is a life changing day. No matter how good or bad it went it left us each changed forever.

I was on a break after taking a test at my newly embarked upon scholastic endeavor when I got to thinking how far I have come in the course of a single year. Going from suicide watch at Saint Alphonse’s to topping the class in a health care program in thirteen months gives me a quite a boost on the pride meter. It was not long before my mind was recalling high points of my transsexual progression.

The mile stones of gender transition are not particularly unique. Other people who are not transgender might have very similar experiences. Body changes happen to everyone at least one point in our lives. Puberty sucks! Using chemicals to induce a second puberty is a bigger bitch than a hockey mom with delusions of grandeur.

Starting to take hormones. That was a big one. Even bigger than coming out, I think. It is one thing to declare your desire for something. It is quite another to take the first steps to getting it.
The day I first noticed that my breasts were casting a noticeable shadow. I know that may sound silly, but I was high on life for a week afterwards. It was an affirmation of the progress I was making.

The same thing goes for the first time I ran and felt my breast bounce. That rocked! Both occasions were milestones in my physical development.

The first time a random sales clerk called me “Ma’am”. Yes, many women dread the day they get called “ma’am” instead of “miss” but for a tranny it is a great day for our confidence in projecting our gender expression.

Using the “other” public rest room for the first time. That one was nerve wracking. Was anyone watching? Did they know? Could they tell? Yeah, I know it was neurotic. But could you imagine walking in there just to have some strange woman scream?

The first time a straight person of the opposite sex hits on you. I took my brother out to a club for his birthday. He was at the bar getting another drink when a guy walked up and desperately tried to get me to go home with him. My brother stood back and watched the entire event. I think it was a mile stone for both of us. It let me know I was fitting into society as a woman. It let him know he really does have a sister.

There are more. My mom altering my wedding dress. My dad saying he liked how my hair was styled. It has been eight years since I took that first estrogen pill. It has been quite a ride. (Thank you for letting me share it with you, by the way.)

The point is that miles stones are points of strength. They our successes. Embrace them. Treasure them. One day they may remind you too that oblivion does not have to be an option.

Blessed Be.

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